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What is the common denominator in all of those conversations? Unfortunately, most people pretty much tell you the worst. They don't mean to, but I think that they assume I must be extremely naive and have no idea what I am getting myself into because everyone feels the need to inform me that I'm not going to sleep for the next 5 years... that Dan and I will never get alone time for the rest of our lives... that I am making a huge sacrifice and it is going to feel like that... a sacrifice... and that I can bank on not getting alone time until they leave for college. While I "know" what they say carry truth with them, I won't fully know until I am holding my baby in my arms and am experiencing it for myself.
That's why I loved Laura's blog post. Because while she talked about the lack of sleep and the changes their baby brought to their marriage, she talked about what you rarely hear- how amazing it is to hold your baby in your arms, to watch your husband take care of your son or daughter, and the joys that come with being a mother. I am sure those feelings are much harder to describe to someone who's expecting, so what comes out is "good luck sleeping for the next couple weeks!" however if I've learned anything from my experience, I really hope that if I feel the need to talk to someone about their pregnancy, that I share with them the positive, not the negative. I've seen the difficult parenting moments and trust me, I already am scared that I will be that mom who has a screaming child at church all the while feeling the stares from people watching, waiting to see how I am going to handle the situation.
This could just be me. There may be moms to be who needed to be brought back to reality about the realities of having a baby. However I have found that more often than not, that is what people are already sharing. So, I hope to be different. I hope to remind them that although it's probably a little scary and nerve wracking knowing that your life is going to change drastically in the next couple weeks, the blessings you experience are even more. I know.. this is coming from someone who hasn't even had her baby yet. But, it's mom's like Laura who give me hope that there are blessings that come with parenthood- so I'm going to put my hope in that right now :)
I think something happens after a baby is born that causes the mother & father to lose all sense of what is appropriate to talk about. I know that it has happened to me and I often have to catch myself from talking about topics I would NEVER have discussed prior to having Katy.
ReplyDeleteHere's the deal, though - the not sleeping for 5 years? Whatever, people just don't know how to do it. I sleep like a pro (well, not so much now that sleeping is becoming increasingly difficult. Insomnia sucks). And Mike and I get plenty of time together. We are blessed in that we have Mike's mom nearby who can watch Katy when needed. But you have SO many people who would feel blessed to be able to watch Baby C with you (and if you pick someone who has kids already, they'll be totally understanding when you call freaking out every 5 minutes the first time you leave that cute little Baby Ewok).
And this officially turned into the longest comment in the history of comments - you've probably gone into labor and had that kid by the time you finished reading this!
I like this post. I just feel so so blessed to even get to carry a baby and have one that I would feel so terrible to sit and tell someone all of the "awful" things about it. It's such a beautiful blessing.
ReplyDeleteGood good post, friend! :)
So anxious to find out if your baby has come yet!!!!!! Our little boy arrived on Monday!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you found my post! I was in your boat- the negative comments- and hated the pessimism! There is so much more joy than strife as you are probably finding out right now! Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy. Looking forward to following your journey!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I'm just seeing this now and you posted it in JUNE! I guess having a baby must have kept me busy, right?! Either way, THANK YOU so much for your post. Now having a 4 month old I can truly say that yes there are moments when I don't sleep and Dan and I have had to give up a quiet evening at home- but the blessings by far outweight those moments. Thanks for reminding me about that before I had little Jacob :)
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