I can tell right away when I haven't been spending time with God. I'm pretty sure Dan is the first to notice, but my attitude drastically changes, proving once again that I can't afford to not be praying and in the Word
every.... single.....day. It can only take a day away from those things for the "symptoms" to kick in, and they're different for everyone. It kind of scares me to tell you what my "symptoms" are because they're pretty ugly and I don't want to admit that I struggle with these things, but I do. And I've seen them all played out in my life this past week. Here goes nothing:
- Focus too much on appearance. I constantly compare myself to other people- body image, hair, make up, clothes. Things I cared way too much about in high school become my focus. The occasional purchase of an outfit or new lip gloss is not in itself awful, but when I care more about what people think of my outfit that my character, I know I've got some rearranging to do.
- Selfishness. Everything is about me. Every conversation I have focuses on me, everything I do focuses on me and how I can make my day easier, getting my to do list done.
- Annoyed. My servant heart completely goes out the window. Making lunches becomes suuuch a pain. Every chore I do gets done with a bitter spirit. Anything that gets in the way of my plan for the night, day, morning, etc, becomes an annoyance. I may not show it, but I'm definitely thinking it.
- Attitude while driving. Ok, I know I've talked about this before, but seriously it can get ugly.
Ugh. That list is awful. But, I can't just stop there because it's not a place I want to stay. Today I listened to a CJ Mahaney sermon about staying in the love of God. He talks about how people come into his office saying their heart is dull toward God, they have a depleted soul, and they can't seem to figure it out. He goes on to ask them these three questions:
- Are you building your faith/ preaching the gospel to yourself daily?
- Are you praying?
- Are you living in anticipation of heaven- waiting for that day?
They're not that complicated and pretty simple guidelines, but they make a HUGE difference.
If you've ever found yourself in such a place, this is a very convicting and refreshing sermon to listen to.
Keep Yourself in the Love of God from
Sovereign Grace Ministries on
Vimeo.
That's a great charge Stef. Unfortunately, we always need reminded. But either way, as long as we recognize our continuous downfalls and keep "godly weapons" close and call on the Lord, we can pull out of that rut. A lot of the time it'll be more like being dragged out, maybe even kicking and screaming, but the heart will soften eventually.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being willing, humble and transparent in sharing your heart.