Christmas {for real}

This year we traveled to Ohio again to spend Christmas with our families :)  It can be busy traveling, but at the end of the day, we are so thankful.  So thankful to have family in town from Colorado and California (and even more coming from Indiana and Pennsylvania later!) so thankful for the hospitality our families show us, so thankful for the way they shower us with more than we deserve, treat us to wonderful meals, and are so flexible with our little guy.

One of the She Reads Truth devos talked about Jesus and how he came to serve.  Her hope for us was this:

As we navigate the Christmas season with our friends, loves, bosses, employees, and all those tired checkout clerks, let's remember the leadership of Christ.  Tread humbly, quietly, and with the heart of a servant. 

I loved this, and my prayer this Christmas season is that I personally, would lower my expectations of what the perfect Christmas would be like, walk humbly and with a servant heart, and focus on what is most important- having a heart like Jesus.  The one that this whole day is all about.  I pray that you had a wonderful Christmas :)

My Weaknesses

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Recently I've been thinking about the above verse.  Paul says that if he is going to boast at all, it will be in his weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 11:30)  Doesn't that seem crazy?  Who boasts in the areas they are weak in?  To me that's like putting up a super ugly picture of yourself on Facebook.  Or when catching up with a friend telling them about all the failures you've experienced in the past year.  I'm not sure about you, but that's not usually the first thing I bring up in a conversation.


A definition of boasting is to "Talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities."  Paul completely flips this definition upside down.  He does the total opposite, boasting in areas he is not good at, that he has failed, and where he can't do it on his own.

I am most likely going to go through situations that not only make me feel weak and helpless, but also make me appear weak as well.  Paul mentions that he was insulted, experienced persecution, hardship, and difficulties.  That's kind of a hard pill to swallow.  I don't want to appear weak, I want to appear like I have it all together.  I have mistakenly thought that maybe if people see that my life is put together, they will want to be a Christian because they will see how great I am making it look.  Oh, the lies I believe.  Claiming to be a Christian means the exact opposite- I have nothing together and daily need to rely on God.

I think it's good to note also here that that Paul's discussion of weakness is not centered on sin because Romans 6:12 tells us to put sin to death.  We are not to be ok with sin.  But we are to be content, even boast as Paul does, in the moments we feel weak. 

Why?  Because that is when God is most glorified because His power rests on me.  That is when I am humbled, having admitted that I need God's help and surrendered to my own abilities.

As Christians, we're pretty much guaranteed to be weak.  In 1 Corinthians 1 we are told that when we were called, we weren't wise, powerful, or noble.  God specifically chose the foolish, the weak, the low, the despised of this world to shame the strong SO THAT we would boast in God.  God didn't pick us to be a light in this world because we were awesome.  In fact we were the complete opposite.

Really the whole story of the Bible is about being weak.  We're not good enough.  We're sinful.  God had to send his Son to die to take away our sins.  We can't do it on our own.  I'm too weak.  This circumstance is too difficult for me to handle alone.

Yet I need to learn that that's when I am in the BEST place.  The perfect place, really.  Because I'm not rejoicing in my perfect checklist that I acomplished for the day, or the way my life plans are prefectly coming together, or basically, how self sufficient I am.  Most likely I'm a little terrified, feel inadequate, very unsure, and totally relient on God.  

If you want to hear a great story about a couple who boasts in their weaknesses, you should read this :)  

A prayer

One of my friends in my Bible Study sent this prayer to me.  In her words if you want something to "wreck" you, read this and examine your heart.  I have to agree with her- this was a pretty convicting prayer to read!  She got it from "A Diary of Private Prayer" by John Baille.

O Merciful Father, who dost look down upon the weaknesses of Thy human children more in pity than in anger, and more in love than in pity, let me now in Thy holy presence inquire into the secrets of my heart.

Have I today done anything to fulfill the purpose for which Thou didst cause me to be born?
Have I accepted such opportunities of service as Thou in Thy wisdom has set before my feet?
Have I performed without omission the plain duties of the day?
       Give me grace to answer honestly O God.
Have I today done anything to tarnish my Christian ideal of womanhood?
Have I been lazy in body or languid in spirit?
Have I kept my imagination pure an healthy?
Have I been scrupulously honorable in all my business dealings?
Have I been transparently sincere in all I have professed to be, to feel, or to do?
       Give me grace to answer honestly, O God.
Have I tried today to see myself as others see me?
Have I made more excuses for myself than I ave been willing to make for others?
Have I, in my own home, been a peace-maker or have I stirred up strife?
Have I, while professing noble sentiments for great causes and distant objects, failed even in common charity and courtesy towards those nearest to me?        
       Give me grace to answer honestly O God.

O thou whose infinite love, made manifest in Jesus Christ, alone has power to destroy the empire of evil in my soul, grant that with each day that passes I may more and more be delivered from my besetting sins.

A little exercise for young theologians

Confession time:  the awful, ugly temptation of pride that comes with knowledge has popped in and out of my life during my time at seminary.  Not only has the thought crossed my mind that taking classes at Trinity would somehow makes me "wiser" than others (ummmm.. this is so completely far from the truth), I also have felt at times more spiritual than other Christians.  Reading that last sentence is seriously painful.  I am thankful that God has convicted me every time this thought creeps in, but it saddens me that the thought even appears in the first place.

Not only have I struggled with the above, but I also have been quick to judge the motives of some of my colleagues.  At times I look around my classes and think "why are we all sitting around arguing over things that the God of the universe can only understand when there are people out there who desperately need to hear about Jesus- the message of the gospel?"

First of all, yes, this is a valid thought IF that is all you do - argue and stubbornly try to prove your point and not live out your faith.  But, I'm pretty sure that most, if not every single one, of my classmates hope to be apart of ministries that show and share the message of Jesus.  This arguing (otherwise known as discussion to some people :)  is challenging their (and my!) minds to prepare them for life outside of seminary. 

After opening up about this exact struggle to one of my dear friends Caroline, she pointed me toward a book that discusses this exact thing.  Helmut Thielicke wrote "A Little Exercise for Young Theologians" for seminary students, reminding them that their education is a privilege and encouraging to humbly apply their education to the rest of their lives.

One of my favorite quotes is: 

"Faith must mean more to us than a mere commodity stored in the tin cans of reflection or bottled in the lecture notebook, whence at any time it may be reproduced in the brain."  

This quote reminds me that what I'm learning at Trinity should not be put back in a paper, test, or project.  It also shouldn't be stored up in my mind so I can pridefully flaunt to others how much "knowledge" I have (even though at times I think seminary has made me more confused in some areas... but that's another subject for another day).  What I'm learning is supposed to be used to glorify God and increase my love for Him.  I pray that I don't distort the gift of Seminary that God has given me and use it to bring glory to myself.  

Reality Check

One of my dear college friends, Ella, (who just got married!) mentioned this blog on facebook and I got sucked into reading it for a good half hour one weekend.  Her honesty and transparency was refreshing and at times down right hilarious.

Her husband wrote the following below and it really got me thinking about what "occasional sins" am I not repenting of?  What do I brush off like it's no big deal when in reality there is a much deeper reason living beneath that thought or action and I frankly just don't want to dig deep enough to figure out what that is.  Because it gets messy.  And it requires being vulnerable.   And I think too highly of myself to want to believe anything else.

I hope this quote gets you thinking... like it did me... about what "occasional sins" I need to take a good look at.

"Through this painful process of having everything taken away, I was able to understand that the Gospel is not just a hurdle in the beginning:  It’s everything.  The gospel is applicable to my life 24/7.  I am jacked up beyond what I can comprehend.  The only way I’m saved is through faith and hope in the Cross.  I realized that during the time I was a “super Christian,” the reality was, that behind closed doors, I actually was occasionally looking at porn, occasionally flirting with other women, occasionally drinking too much, occasionally not being honest with my wife, and occasionally doing a ton of other crap that I let no one know about. All of my “occasional sin” became a lifestyle of sin that held me captive. The sad thing is that I had all the resources to get help at my fingertips (friends, accountability, church), but was too prideful to tell the truth and let people see my sin. That was my main hindrance...what would everyone think of me if they knew who I really was?"

Sick ugh

This pretty much sums up my weekend unfortunately :/  I was just thinking the other day about how thankful I was that I hadn't gotten sick yet this winter! Oh well, I took a four and a half hour "nap" today so hopefully that helps :)

CJ Mahaney is always pushing me toward a spirit of humility.  His quote by Spurgeon here was a great reminder of who I truly am.

With Valentine's day I have heard some wonderful songs about looove.  This song by Matthew West and this song by Andrew Peterson are some of my favorites right now.

Speaking of Valentine's Day, we always look forward to getting our "Miami Merger" Valentine's day Card in the mail.  So sweet:

Hope you had a great weekend!

Another Book Review :)

Can you tell it's a snow day? 2 blog posts in one day.  That's an accomplishment for me :)  Anyway, I have been wanting to tell you about another book I read over Christmas break, but haven't gotten around to it.  These posts are probably the most time consuming for me to write, so I have been putting them off :)  As a side note, today I was reading Job 38 and 39.  One of things the Lord has been convicting me of is my pride- hence Mahaney's book "Humility."  Let me know if after sitting in those chapters for a while you feel any sense of pride!  My favorite verse is actually found in 40:10 where God asks Job if he can: "Adorn (himself) with majesty and dignity; clothe (himself) with glory and splendor?" yep- that would shut me up, too.

Anyway, back to the book review!  This actually is another book my boss recommended:  "Just Do Something" by Kevin DeYoung.  I believe DeYoung has a lot of wisdom on this topic since his church is located near a college where a lot of students are constantly making "big life decisions."  And, he's a pretty entertaining writer.  He begins by saying there are 2 sides of God's will:

1. "God's will of decree:" what God has ordained.  Ephesians 1:11- His plan that won't be thwarted
2. "God's will of desire:" what God has commanded- His desires for us recorded in the Bible: Ex. 1 John 2:15

What most people look for is a will of direction- where to live, what job to take, who to marry etc., and God doesn't necessarily have a specific plan for those things that we must discover or else we will be "out of His will."  Christians can spend too much time trying to uncover that one, specific plan they think God has for their life, worrying that if they choose the "wrong job" they are doomed for failure.  He spells out these reasons why people want to know God's specific will of direction:

• We want to please God
• We are timid
• We are searching for perfect fulfillment in life
• We worry that if we make the wrong decision we will lead unhappy lives (maybe not with every decision.. but hasn't this thought (lie for that matter) crept into your thinking at one point?!)
• We have too many choices
• He has some pretty interesting statistics for this- how many different choices of cereal, homes, etc there are.  He also discuses how a 100 years ago there were many less decisions to be made: many young people only had the option of pursuing their parent's profession or had the option to choose between 5 to 10 girls to marry- those that lived in their town.  Obviously here in America we are privileged with many choices, but that sometimes can be a burden when we over-spiritualize each decision.
• We are cowardly
• We don't take risks because we are obsessed with safety and security- we want God to show us the future so we don't have to take any risks.  But that's not how God wants us to make decisions; He wants us to seek Him and He will speak to us through scripture and transform our hearts and mind.

I think one of the most important pieces of wisdom I gained from his book is that God is most concerned about our sanctification: are we growing in our compassion, joy, faithfulness, love, worship, etc.?  God does care about every aspect of our lives, but He cares MOST about the things mentioned above.  So DeYoung says if you want to buy a house- God doesn't care if the house has 5 rooms and 2 bathrooms or 3 rooms and 1.5 baths, He wants you to buy a house that makes you holy.  What does that mean?  I think it means that we need to buy a home that won't put us into debt by spending above our means, one that we can hold with an open hand and use for hospitality, and one that doesn't cause me to be prideful.  Beyond that, we are free to make the decision about the deck and the the number of bedrooms.  

He offers these three pieces of advice in making decisions: 1) store up God's commands 2) turn your ear to wisdom 3) call out for insight.  Basically read the Bible so you know God more- know His thoughts, His ways, His affections and develop a taste for godliness; seek counsel from Godly people, and pray.  You can pray for a specific sign- but we need to remember that God doesn't guarantee that He'll tell us the answer in a huge revelation- we won't necessarily get a "peace" or be told in a dream which job to take, but He will give us wisdom to make a decision that is based on faith, hope, and love - not on fear or people pleasing.  

There are many other things DeYoung discusses in his book and I would just love to talk about it with you if you read it or have read it!  Especially his last section about delaying life and spending your twentysomething in sin rather than finding a job, getting married, and starting a family (you can see his thoughts in the quote below :)  Overall, I found a lot of truth and wisdom in DeYoung's book, and would definitely recommend it to anyone who is in the midst of making a big decision.

So finally, here's a taste of DeYoung's writing style and bluntness- I'll end with this quote :)

"Finally, I exhort the men reading this book to pray for wisdom (James 1:5-6), get a job, and get married.  And do it sooner rather than later.  To do so would be good for your sanctification, good for your purity, good for the church, and good for some godly woman out there who would be your wife, though she's probably already better than you deserve, just like my bride was for me."  

Humility

As I warned earlier- Dan and I asked for a lot of books for Christmas!  I read 2 over break (they weren't that long at all) and desperately want to finish my 3rd by the time classes start next Wednesday but I'm not sure if that is going to happen :/  The first one I read was "Humility: True Greatness" by C.J. Mahaney.  My boss first introduced me to Mahaney and actually let me borrow his copy of this book to read a couple years ago, but it was so good I wanted us to have a copy for ourselves :)  It is one of those books that you honestly cannot get enough of- you can read it everyday and feel convicted about something- how appropriate for a book on humility.

Anyway, I could give you a run down of what he talks about, but I'm not a great "book reviewer" so I'll just tell you about some of the points that hit home with me :)

• Pride: When I aspire to the status/ position of God and refuse to acknowledge dependence on God.  Self glorification.
• Humility: honestly assessing myself in light of God's holiness and my sinfulness.
• The cross never flatters us.
• Where and how is pride expressed in my life?
• Each day:
• Begin by acknowledging my dependence on God- not myself.
• Take notice of all that God is doing in my life.
• Stop listening to myself and start talking to myself (be aware of my thoughts and attitudes throughout the day)
• Study the attributes of God.
• Study the doctrine of grace.
• Study sin and be aware of its ways.
• Find evidences of grace in other people.
• Am I critical of others?
• It is a joy and privilege to discern grace in others and to draw attention to how God is at work in their life.
• Ephesians 4:29: Biblical purpose for every conversation we have is for that person to receive grace from us.
• What do my words reveal about my spirit?
• Become more focused on God and His purpose and activity than myself.
• Celebrate godly character more than anything else

How is that for a lot to chew on?  I could seriously write so much more- I actually did, in my journal.  The principles in his book are not ones I want to simply skim over, they are principles I want to put into practice.  Have you ever met someone who is truly humble?  They are at peace, joyful, trusting, and are a true servant.  It is such a beautiful character trait to have.  Why?  Because it resembles Christ.  I would highly recommend reading this book- it's not long but there is a lot of wisdom packed into its few pages!

A new year.

I couldn't help but smile as I drove past the gym next to Trinity this morning.  The parking lot was unusually filled- which is quite abnormal for my drive to work around 7:30.  And then it hit me- January 4.  Oh New Years resolutions.  There is something about having a clean slate- out with the old and in with the new- a new year of opportunities, a new year of challenges, just a new year in general.  I am blessed and can't really say I am thankful that 2010 is gone- I know some people who were faced with many challenges this past year and are so thankful to see the calendar flip to 2011.  But, I can say there is something refreshing about the beginning of a new year. 

For me, the new year is about taking time to really assess how I am doing in my walk with the Lord.  Have I grown this past year?  Do I love God and people more?  Am I less focused on self and more focused on serving others?  What about my pride... my patience?  While I wish these were easy questions for me to answer unfortunately they are not.  Somewhere along this past year I have gotten lazy.  By this I mean that although I have desired to change in the areas mentioned above, I realized that I have not wanted to put in the work and the time.  I wanted instant gratification and change.  I wanted to read a book and have it change my life.  I wanted to take a class and be a perfect counselor.  I wanted to be a more godly wife by laying down my needs for only a couple days.

Today the Lord really showed me through His Word, another blog, and a sermon what my New Years resolution should be.  The blog post I read was about small successes that add up to an end goal: choosing not to snap at our children, choosing to pause before responding rudely to a sales clerk, choosing to believe the best when I doubt what someone says.  Then, I started reading through Philippians 3 "I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus made me his own.  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own . . . but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."  Then, I decided to look up some commentary on that verse and came across this sermon titled "Going hard after a Holy God."  I love it when God so clearly shows up in my life.   

I want to share with you what I learned in the book "Humility: True Greatness" by CJ Mahaney in more detail later, but in general his book opened my eyes to what Piper calls in his sermon a "holy dissatisfaction with your spiritual life."  I realized that developing a character of humility, similar to Jesus', takes waking up early and starting my day off in the Word,  memorizing scripture, slowing down and thinking about my thought process, what I say to others, recognizing and dismissing prideful thoughts, being aware of my critical spirit and so much more.  And it takes time.  Doing these things for a week is not going to change my character or heart.  The prize that am reaching for takes a lifetime of pursuing.  Christ has already made me His own, my prayer is that I can respond to that call in such a way that keeps me desiring Him long after today when I'm not in the spirit of making New Years resolutions.