Hope in Death

It's been a while since I've been this moved by a video shown at church.  This video was a much needed reminder for me to keep an eternal focus every. single. day. because we don't know how much longer we have here on this earth.  It made me think about how I would respond to the news that this man received: terminal cancer.  Although I'm sure there were moments of fear and sadness, his overriding response of finding hope in God and joy of being in heaven was so encouraging.  I would have a tissue nearby if I were you, I was thankful Becca sitting next to me at church had some in her purse :)

"I'm not down, I'm going to be with God at the worst."

God at Work: Clyde Harrison from Harvest Bible Chapel on Vimeo.

A Sad Goodbye

Throughout these past couple years I've read a lot of counseling books that say the holidays can be a difficult time for many people.  It wasn't until this year that I fully understood why the holidays- which seem to bring so much excitement for some people, can bring so much heartache for others.  This Thanksgiving I now understood what it was like to be on the other side- experiencing the heartache.  For the first time the lights, decorations, and Christmas traditions didn't feel so special.

The day before Thanksgiving I lost Pap, my grandfather, in one of the most tragic ways possible.  It happened in such a way that leaves you in utter shock and sick to your stomach.  You almost can't grieve because you don't believe what you just found out- your mind almost refuses to believe what actually happened.  You can't sleep because you keep replaying in your mind over and over again what their last moments were like and what they were thinking.  And you keep asking yourself if there was anything that you could have done differently.  If you could have sent one more email or made one more phone call, would that have changed everything?  You keep wondering how long they were hurting and suffering and what brought them to that point.  His death brought up much more hurt and sadness than I've ever felt.  And here I am, a week later, still trying to process what actually happened.  Still trying to rationalize in my mind what he was going through and why he did it.

It's awful.  I can't put into words how awful it is.  You are left with so many questions and no answers- and the worst part is I know I will never get any answers.

At church on Sunday Laura Story's song "Blessings" was sang during the offering and I know for a fact that God knew my family needed to hear that song.  That we needed to be reminded that this pain that we're feeling is a reminder that this is not our home.  That this world is so incredibly far from perfect.  And that the "aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy."

One of the verses my brother and I read at his funeral was 1 Thessalonians 4:13:

"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."

And so I don't grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope after death.  I know that Jesus Christ lives and this is not the end.  So I trust in Pap's faith that he had.  I trust that I will see him again.

But until then, I'll miss him. 

Love you Pap.

I agree with Sam

In college I participated in a campaign called "I agree with Sam."  It started at the beginning of the week and on Monday and Tuesday about 200 people in our ministry walked around with bright blue shirts on that said "I agree with Sam."  If people asked us about it, we told them who Sam was and why we agreed with him.

via

On Wednesday an article came out in the newspaper that explained line by line what Sam believed.  Sam believed in Jesus Christ and in what the Bible said.

Can I just be honest and tell you I wasn't thrilled to wear my "I agree with Sam" shirt for the rest of the week?

Ridiculous I know, but people were irate.  People started Facebook hate groups about it. My religion class discussed the campaign the rest of the week.  A couple students on campus even started their own group and made their own shirts that said "I agree with Leslie" (I can't remember the exact name).  Leslie turned out to be a Lesbian who loved everyone and was tolerant of all religions unlike Christianity.

The height of my persecution- getting yelled at by a passing car.

I know, that last statement may seem ridiculous...  most people wouldn't even call that persecution, but honestly being apart of that campaign was a pretty life changing experience for me.  Being the people pleaser that I am, I really struggled with being called judgmental, intolerant, unloving and being labeled in many other ways by wearing my blue "I agree with Sam" shirt.  

Recently I've been reading a lot about persecution.  Not about current persecution, but about persecution back in the 200's.  Did you know that people were RUNNING in line to be killed and tortured?  It was considered a privilege to suffer and die for your Christian faith.  An apologist from the 200's, Tertullian, said the famous line "The blood of martyrs is the seed of the church."

Lina in our Bible study brought up a great quote by John Macarthur regarding persecution in our current time.  Persecution is much more subtle, it attacks our egos and pride.

"Today, Satan usually directs persecution not to a person's physical body, but to his ego. He focuses on pride, the desire for acceptance, or the desire for status. That's very effective. Satan doesn't often threaten a Christian by saying, "If you witness, I'll cut your head off." He threatens a believer by saying, "If you witness, you might lose your job, your status--or someone might think you are strange." The techniques Satan uses today have a tremendous effect in a subtle way. He has found that it is very effective to kill the church by making it complacent, indolent, fat, rich, and socially oriented. The church has watered down its theology to accommodate the world. That is a more successful form of persecution than having all Christians boiled in oil!"

I couldn't write down this information fast enough.  Not only do I believe this is true today, it is 100% true in my life.  I don't want people to judge me.  I don't want people to think less of me because of what I believe.  I want liking Jesus to be cool.  I don't want to have to tell people that I believe in heaven and hell and that Jesus is the way to heaven.  I don't want to make people mad. 

But, I also don't want to live this wishy washy life where I stand for nothing.  Where I'm constantly worried about what people will think of me.  I don't want to hold back from telling people about the Gospel that radically changes lives.  Jesus' life is real.  His resurrection is real.  And His power in our lives is real.  Knowing Jesus is the best thing that ever happened to me and the best thing that has ever happened to anyone I know.  But in this day and age- where truth is lost, tolerance is honored, and "do what you feel is right for you," is told to everyone, Christianity gets shunned.

My days living on a college campus are long gone and it would not be appropriate in my office to wear a bright blue T shirt that says "I agree with Sam."  But I often think about that campaign and how quickly I became ashamed of that T Shirt because of the opinion of others.  How I am praying that the persecution of the 21st century wouldn't make me an ineffective minister of the Gospel.

Thoughts on Thoughts

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phil 4:8

So I've been thinking a lot lately.  I mean, I'm always thinking, but lately I've been thinking about what I'm thinking about. 

I've learned in these past couple years that my thoughts can make me anxious.  If Dan doesn't call me back right away, 30 seconds later, before I even know it, I'm envisioning him in some horrible car accident.  Crazy?  Yes.  Unfortunately, my mind goes there, and it goes there way too quickly. 

So how do I not go there?  Well, in Philippians Paul talks about combating anxiousness by praying and allowing the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds.

Then, he advises us to think about certain things: 

Honorable things. 

Just things.

Lovely things. 

Pure things. 

Commendable things.

Excellent things. 

Praiseworthy things.

Ok, so what now.  I tell myself to stop thinking negative things and start thinking about these specific things?

Yes, yes you do.  Why?  Because in verse 9 it says practice these things and the peace of God will be with you.

A question posed in my Bible study, The Upside Down series, encouraged me to think about how my life would be different if I focused on eternity throughout the day.  Let me tell you, my list was long.  Real long. Probably too long.

I wouldn't sweat the small stuff and I would have a big picture.

I'd live for an audience of one and stop people pleasing.

I'd drive slower, eat slower... do everything slower.

I'd pray much more.

I would focus on people more and tasks less. 

etc. etc. etc.

Bottom line: Changing my thinking will change my actions.  What we think about and how we think is extremely powerful.  More powerful than I realized.  And how do I change the way I think?  Practice and discipline, with the help of the Holy Spirit.  Refocusing my mind on what is important, praying for a changed heart, and trusting my actions will follow.  It's amazing how much less stress I put on myself when I refocus on eternity.

The Ordinary Pastor Series

I know I often tend to talk about CJ Mahaney a lot, but I subscribe to his blog and I am always encouraged by what he has to say.  I can truly say that when I see "C.J. Mahaney's view from the cheap seats & other stuff" pop up in my inbox, I definitely get excited.  Below is a quote from his post today.

I found it encouraging not just for the "ordinary pastor" that he is writing to, but for the ordinary mom, ordinary student, ordinary friend... the list could go on and on.  I found this to be such a sweet excerpt from a son's perspective of how he remembered his dad.  I would be more than thankful to be remembered in such a way.

Tom Carson never rose very far in denominational structures, but hundreds of people in the Outaouais and beyond testify how much he loved them. He never wrote a book, but he loved the Book. He was never wealthy or powerful, but he kept growing as a Christian: yesterday’s grace was never enough. He was not a far-sighted visionary, but he looked forward to eternity. He was not a gifted administrator, but there is no text that says, “By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you are good administrators.” His journals have many, many entries bathed in tears of contrition, but his children and grandchildren remember his laughter. Only rarely did he break through his pattern of reserve and speak deeply and intimately with his children, but he modeled Christian virtues to them. He much preferred to avoid controversy than to stir things up, but his own commitments to historic confessionalism were unyielding, and in ethics he was a man of principle. His own ecclesiastical circles were rather small and narrow, but his reading was correspondingly large and expansive. He was not very good at putting people down, except on his prayer lists.

When he died, there were no crowds outside the hospital, no editorial comments in the papers, no announcements on television, no mention in Parliament, no attention paid by the nation. In his hospital room there was no one by his bedside. There was only the quiet hiss of oxygen, vainly venting because he had stopped breathing and would never need it again.

But on the other side all the trumpets sounded. Dad won entrance to the only throne room that matters, not because he was a good man or a great man—he was, after all, a most ordinary pastor—but because he was a forgiven man. And he heard the voice of him whom he longed to hear saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant; enter into the joy of your Lord."

Rejoicing

Today on my lunch break I re-listened to Matt Chandler's talk during TGC this past week.  I think his talk hit me for a couple reasons.  First, he focused on the sovereignty of Jesus Christ. He's a pretty young guy and to be recognized amongst the "Christian world" as he has could be a great source of pride for most people- but I sensed none of that from him.  After being diagnosed with brain cancer a couple years ago, he has first hand experience in the reality of how quickly this life can be taken from us.  In fact, in his talk he mentioned how some of us will not be at this conference in 2 years and already last night, the night of the last day of the conference, a youth pastor who attended TGC was killed in a house fire.  So sad and sudden, yet something that could happen to any of us. 

That's why he emphasized rejoicing in Christ and what He's done for us on the cross- something that cannot be taken away, everything else that we rejoice in- kids, home, cars- can be.  One of his great one liners was "remembering rightly redeems our rejoicing."  Remember rightly what Christ has done is what should cause me to rejoice. 

He also talked about how we tend to think that we're awesome.  Let's face it- we all think we're awesome at times- especially when an event goes well or we get a raise or our ministry starts to increase in size.  When we start to praise ourselves Chandler discussed how we need to be corrected- and I love how he paraphrases what God could say to us: "I'm not (giving you that raise, increasing the size of your ministry, insert whatever you want here) because you're awesome.  I'm doing this because I'm awesome.  In fact, let me show you how awesome I am- I'm going to use you to accomplish my purposes.  I'm going to let you play a role in what I'm doing in this world."  That pretty much sums it up.  This is all about God and has nothing to do with me- I am ever so fortunate to play a part in His amazing plan here on earth.  I'm just excited to be along for the ride. 

Links and updates!

Whew.  It has been quite a busy couple days!  I had my theology Midterm yesterday that just about wiped me out.  You know those tests where you are writing furiously and answering questions for the full 2.5 hours that you have allotted to take the exam- worried that you won't finish in time?  Yep. That was me yesterday morning.  But, I'm just SO thankful it is over.  Most of the information was very helpful as I continue to challenge myself by formulating my beliefs as to why the Bible is true, how God inspired the writers, and how God reveals Himself to humans.  All good stuff, but somewhat overwhelming.  So, that is basically what overtook my weekend- throw in a dinner with some friends and a night babysitting (this SWEET 8 month year old named Sam- picture below of me with her :) and that brings us to today! 

Oh, and we have some exciting news coming up!  We're still in the process of getting all the details figured out so as soon as we figure that out- we'll share it!!

Lastly, these past couple weeks I have found some great links and thought I'd share them with you!

I am LOVING the dresses here.  I have already told Dan about my excitement about one of them... I'll let you know if it fits in our budget this month!

I've been listening to this song on YouTube lately.

We have been eating a lot of recipes from this blog!  The Buffalo wraps, BBQ quesadillas are wonderful.  Going to make the BBQ pizza tonight!

I just bought these yesterday!  She created a "notes" one that I would reeeallly like as well.  Such a cute idea.

This hotel is getting me excited to get away!  We leave for Florida in less than 2 weeks!!  SO excited.

This Rob Bell controversy has got me thinking.  I feel like everyone has thoughts on it- as you can tell by the hundreds of comments on his page!! (to see the trailer for his new book go here)  Obviously, working and attending seminary I am used to people discussing their theological beliefs, and while some people feel it is better to stop talking and start doing (which is definitely necessary) it is important that we test what people say about heaven and hell with the Bible.  It's such a difficult topic and our pastor did a great job discussing it in his sermon on "What's down with hell."  (I'm pretty sure the link to the sermon is a series so be sure to listen to the whole thing if you do!) The reality about the situation is that this is a very difficult concept to grasp.  Nobody likes hell.  Nobody wants to think about hell.  And nobody really wants to believe that it exists.  But, Jesus makes it pretty clear in the Bible that it is a reality.  And there's a reason that He died a brutal death on the cross.  Personally, I am glad that people are thinking about what Rob Bell says and I find it rather interesting.  I hope it gets you thinking, too :)

Hope in Death

For most people losing their spouse (or really anyone close to them for that matter) would be one of their biggest fears.  I know it's mine.  For obvious reasons it's important not to dwell and worry about the possibility of those things happening- God will give you the grace, strength, and encouragement you need to face those situations when they come. 

It is because of stories like the one shared here that I am so thankful for technology.  Thankful that stories like these can be told because they give us hope - showing real people who once graced this earth and are no longer here.  Real people who have faced the loss of a loved one and are living to tell their story and the impact they had on their life.  Real people just like us who had one of their worst fears come true, and God is giving them the strength to move on with life.  I hope this gives you some inspiration tonight.

Back on the road

Happy Monday! This past weekend we were in Indianapolis visiting friends from college: Luke, Brittany, and Jamie!  I am so glad that we planned it- sometimes it can be difficult to get away for a weekend, but Dan and I always forget how close Indy is from Chicago.  (When there's no snow and no traffic on 65:) We had a blast - we stayed up until 3 in the morning reminiscing about college and discussing our faith- in a hot tub while my hair turned into icicles lol-  ate AMAZING food in downtown (we nnneeed to get a Huddles ice cream shop in Chicago!) sipped on mimosas while catching up with Jamie's friends at her house, and met some new friends that we will be going to Florida with in March!  We were so encouraged and thankful to Luke, Brittany, and Jamie for their hospitality, all the food they treated us to,  and the fact that they gave up their weekends to hang out with us!  

And, we went to College Park - Luke and Brittany's church.  It's a pretty big church and Dan and I met someone in our counseling class last summer who was on staff there so it was fun to check it out! They talked about faithfulness (in light of Christ's return in Matthew 25: 14)  and how in this fast paced society that is a characteristic that is not cherished.  The pastor interviewed an 89 year old man who has been walking with the Lord since he was in med school and it was SO sweet to see his heart for God and discipleship and how he is still pouring his life into 7 other men in the church on a weekly basis.  He is definitely the epitome of 2 Timothy 4:7: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  

As always, being gone for the weekend makes Monday a little busy with grocery shopping (thankfully we caught up on laundry yesterday!) but we hope to survive this week in light of the crazy blizzard we are supposed to get!  Have a great week!

Us at St. Elmo's in downtown Indy

Encouragement

It's Sneak Preview week.  That means that work is crazy, which basically means life is crazy.  It consists of late nights, busy days, and basically ex communication from anyone other than my co workers.  Don't get me wrong- I love my co workers, but saying I'm exhausted by Friday is an understatement.  It's these kind of weeks where I struggle the most with selfishness: thinking only about myself and how much I have to get done, and sometimes God has to stop me straight in my tracks to get my attention.  Like this blog post.  My sweet friend, Melissa, has a brother battling cancer right now.  Not only is she an English major (can't you tell?!) but she is learning SO much through this trial.  This quote in particular is what really struck me:

 “Let me be scary graphic and honest with you for just a second. There is coming a day for you, because you live in America, it will be a hospital room, and it will be 3 in the morning, and your wife or your husband and your children will be at home asleep, and there will just be you. And your lungs will labor to breath. And in that moment a foundation built on money, a foundation built on church attendance, a foundation built on small group or a Sunday school class, a foundation build upon cognitive understanding of God will not be enough to bring you peace. In that hour it will only be the nearness of God that will be your good, and it is on its way for me...”
(The Thanksgiving of 2009 Chandler was diagnosed with a brain tumor)
 
I hope that stops you amidst your busy day as it did me and makes you think a little bit deeper about life and your purpose.