Shepherding a Child's Heart

Onto day 2 of my parenting advice from Shepherding a Child's heart.  The other day I framed Tripp's purpose of parenting and gave you some of my thoughts regarding parenting.  Today I hope to share with you some wisdom and advice that Tripp gives in his book.

Your role as an authority figure

"The purpose for your authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but to empower them to be self- controlled people living freely under the authority of God."

"You must require obedience of your children because they are called by God to obey and honor you- but you must exercise it as one who truly loves them.  Children generally do not resist authority that is truly kind and selfless."

Changing behavior

"Your children desperately need to understand not only the external "what" they did wrong, but also the internal "why" they did it."

"We often demand changed behavior yet Jesus condemns people who wash the outside of the cup while the inside is still clean.  We demand changed behavior and never address the heart that drives the behavior."

Your concern is to unmasks your child's sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed.  That leads to the cross of Christ.

We need to address the heart behind why Suzie is yelling at your brother.  The problem is not her yelling, the problem is the anger and bitterness in her heart that her yelling expresses.  Many times we are too focused on correcting external behavior and not focused enough on understanding our kids.

Correction:

"If you allow unholy anger to muddy the correction process, you are wrong.  You need to ask for forgiveness.  Your right to discipline your child is tied to what God has called you to do, not your own agenda.  Unholy anger- anger over the fact that you are not getting what you want form your child- will muddy the waters of discipline.  Sadly, most correction occurs as a by- product of children being an embarrassment or irritation, and the child learns then about the fear of man not the fear of God.   Unholy human anger may teach your children to fear you.  They may even behave better, but it will not bring about biblical righteousness."

"Correction is not displaying your anger at their offenses; it is rather reminding them that their sinful behavior offends God."

"Discipline is an expression of love: Proverbs 3:12, Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 19:18, Revelation 3:19."

"The rod is not

1. The right to unbridled temper
2. The right to hit our children whenever we wish
3. Venting of frustration
4. Retribution
5. Associated with vindictive anger."

Verse for the Rod: Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful.. later on however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Other advice in Parenting

"The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever; therefore, your objective in every context must be to set a biblical worldview before your children.  From the earliest days, they must be taught that they are creatures made in the image of God- made for God.  They must learn they will only "find themselves" as they find him."

"Well behaved children should be well behaved because it is rooted in love: waiting to eat until everyone is served is showing consideration for those around you (Phil 2:20-21) and your desire to look out for the interests of others."

You must be a good communicator- listening to your kids even from a young age.  If you respond with "uh huh" all the time, they remember that and no wonder teenagers are unresponsive to parents.

Advice for parents of an infant:

"The most important lesson for the child to learn in this period is that He is an individual under authority.  He has been made by God and has a responsibility to obey God in all things. (Ephesians 6:1-3)"

Like I said yesterday, this is the first parenting book I have read, so everything is new and interesting to me.  There were some concepts that Tedd presented that were pretty straight forward and helpful.  It was helpful that Tripp pointed out the biblical reasons for why our children should obey us as parents, when and how it is appropriate to discipline, and how to point out the heart issues in your child.

I don't think that the concepts presented in this book will sink in all at once; I think this is a book I will be referring to at many different times.  I'm looking forward to reading other books on parenting and will share them with you as I read them :) (Hopefully before the baby is born... we'll see!)