Updates and People Pleasing

It seems so long ago that we were sleeping in until 10, spending time with the Lord in front of a beautiful view, and then making our one big decision of the day: pool or beach (life was pretty tough :).  Fast forward to this week: waking up at 6, working, studying, reading, packing, cleaning, shopping, annnnd bed.  Things have definitely changed in 7 days!  But, I have to say that I am so thankful for our week of rest in preparation for this crazy week!

Now, I know it has been about 4 months since I read this book over Christmas break and I've talked about it already on this blog, but this past week I was looking through my journal and read the notes I took while reading it and really wanted to share with you some thoughts.  People pleasing is something I have struggled with since Jr. High when the never ending questions plagued my mind:  Do they like me?  Is she mad at me?  Did I hurt her feelings?  Did they like my outfit?  These are not only questions that I struggled with in middle school, but they are STILL questions that go through my mind.  As hard as it is for me to admit that. 

Ed Welch is kind of a big name in counseling right now- and it's for a good reason.  He has such wise counsel and it is very biblical.  Here are some great things I learned from his book "When People are Big and God is Small":

• We need to think less often about ourselves.
• When people want or need love from other people they are controlled by them.
• We need to love others more and need them less
• Know God's love so you can give it
• Do I care more about how I look in front of other people than I do about sinning or how I look before God?  (suuuper convicting question for me)
• John 12- "For they loved the praise from men more than the praise of God"
• How is the fear of man expressed in my life?  (I had a VERY long list for this!)
• Our culture tells us that we are generally good people who need to love ourselves more- in reality this ignores the depth of our sin problem
• People are most similar to God when He is the object of their affection.
• SO: How do we get rid of our tendency to please people and want their acceptance?
• Study more about who God is- His character, His wrath, His holiness.  This was a big deal for me- if I am fearing man more than God, it means that I have a distorted view of who God really is.
• When our hearts are filled with the greatness of God, there is less room for the question "What are people going to think of me?"
• We need to have a biblical view of God, others, and ourselves. 
• We need to be less concerned about ourselves and more concerned about the plans of God

This book made me much more aware of my struggles with people pleasing.  For me, it looks like this: struggling to speak truth into other people's lives for fear that they will think poorly of me, wondering if other people are talking about me behind my back, always saying "yes" to opportunities that come my way, and being self conscious about how I look (what I wear, say, the decisions I make, etc). 

Really, a lot of it is pride.  What will they think of me if I say this?  Did they agree with my decision?  Are they upset with me?  Is there a reason why they didn't invite me?  Was I too straight forward in what I said?  It may appear on the outside that I'm just a nice person that wants to make others happy but it's really all about myself.  Ugh.  People pleasing is really ugly isn't it?  And it takes on SO many forms.  If any of this resonates with you- I would highly encourage you to read this book!  And on that wonderful note- have a lovely weekend :)