I have been talking about the book "Give them Grace" for quite some time now. For me, it is one of those books that I will probably revisit not just for parenting purposes, but simply to be reminded about the importance of the gospel for years to come. I had many people tell me about this book and I had read blogs that raved about Elyse for months before Jake was born, so I decided to put it on our baby registry and I am so glad that I did.
Honestly I thought this book was going to be about cutting our kids some slack in this day and age where parents are so strict and rigid with rules. I thought it was going to be about loving them in some sort of "radical" and new way. To some extent my assumptions were correct, but she shares so much more than that. As always, there is a lot to talk about with her book, but the main purpose of this post is to share what really impacted me.
Elyse's big principle is that rules ultimately don't change hearts. For years we have already demonstrated that humans aren't good at keeping the rules. That doesn't mean that we say heck with rules- obviously kids need boundaries and guidelines. But what it does mean, is that when our kids fail to keep the rules God has set in the Bible, we use that opportunity as a time to share the gospel with them. We tell them that as parents we struggle with keeping the rules too, and that's why Jesus came- he kept all the rules perfectly and lived a life without sin- something that we ultimately can't do. The "rules" (law) in the Bible were meant to point us to a Savior, not to make us discouraged.
I love her chapter where she describes the parenting style of the father in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Elyse describes how this good father ultimately welcomes two wicked sons who were outwardly very different but inwardly the same. Growing up I strived (and still do to some extent) to be the son who did the right thing. I would have never ran away with my parents money and squandered it. I was the "good girl." However, because of this sometimes the good news didn't seem so good to me. I didn't need Jesus' mercy because (in my eyes) I was already good enough by my outward performance. That is why it is so important for us as parents to be confessing things like pride and judgment and criticism and envy and selfish ambition. Because let me tell you, I had a lot of that going on (again... and still do). Those are all inward sins that our kids don't see in our outward behavior, but they need to know that it exists and ultimately isn't "good." I don't want to teach Jake that religious activity and outward obedience elevates him out of the category of a sinner in need of mercy purely because he has kept the rules I have given him.
Elyse also talks a lot about discipline and the strong need for it. Shepherding a Child's Heart discusses this as well, but she gives a pretty complete list of scripture that encourages discipline so I will list it for you in case you want to check them out :)
Proverbs 13:24
Proverbs 22:15
Proverbs 23:13-14
Proverbs 29:15
Hebrews 12:7-11
There is so much more in this book I could write about. She talks about prayer and how we aren't meant to live our lives in Christian bubbles, but there was one last chapter that challenged me in particular. Some of you have probably heard the Westminister Chatechism's statement: the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Well, Elyse challenges us to evaluate this statement in context of our parenting. She challenged me when she said that a strong, successful family may not be the way that God has chosen for us to glorify Him. It could be in weakness and failure. That is really difficult to think about. Will I be ok if Jake and Lord willing, our other children, don't turn out to be perfect little, godly children?
"None of us wants to appear weak or incompetent especially when it comes to difficulties in our family. We hate it when we can't boast about our successful parenting, yet we can grow in our faith to believe that the Lord is sending a particular trial because it glorifies Him." pg 150
As a parent, obviously my goal is that Jake will grow up to be a godly and caring man. (I somewhat already talked about this in another post) And I will do everything I can to point him in that direction. However, it was such a good and true reminder when Elyse pointed me to look at the cross- God used an ugly execution to demonstrate his grace, mercy, justice, and love. He can turn anything that may appear bad into good.
I am sure there will be a lot of ups and downs on this journey in parenthood. I'm sure each stage will bring new challenges but ultimately I want to shower Jake with grace. I want to point him to Jesus and show him the gospel and guide him when he is unsure and encourage him when he fails and love him with the love that I have been shown by God. Pretty big goals, right? Thankfully there is grace. And if I fail I will rest in that. And I pray Jake can see that in my life.
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