Haven't lost hope

Recently I was reading through 2 Corinthians 4 and felt great comfort when Paul admitted to being "perplexed, but not driven to despair."
After looking up the following definitions I found myself relating all too much to what the apostles felt:

Perplexed: Filled with uncertainty. Puzzled. Baffled. Confounded.

Despair: Lose hope or confidence.  To lose heart.

Right before Jake was born Dan and I were faced with a pretty difficult situation.  It wasn't difficult in a sense that most people would think, but it was difficult because we found ourselves questioning our calling and feeling rather confused about our future.  Dan was offered a job that appeared to be a dream job for anyone in our position.  He would receive great training that would jump start a new career for him- the type of one we had been pursuing and praying about for the past four years.  On paper, it was the perfect opportunity. 

Well, this is where you insert the big "but" for us.  For some reason, we did not feel a peace about the decision.  Don't get me wrong, we didn't base our whole decision on feeling, there were other aspects of the job that had its red flags.  However we could have overlooked those had we felt the excitement, passion, and desire that we felt should have been there.  I actually prayed that I would feel it.  It would make things so much easier for us.  Yet after weeks of praying it never came and so we had to say no.  We knew that we couldn't accept the job offer.

Needless to say we were perplexed- really confused about why that job wasn't meant for us.  And to be honest with you, I have to admit that at times I was (and still can be) driven to despair.  I start to lose hope in where God is taking us and the plan he has for our future.  We have questioned if we did the right thing because the job seemed so right. 

However, if we go back to the text, afterwards Paul talks about how the apostles carried the death of Jesus in their bodies so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.  Paul is saying that it's not going to be easy- we're going to face trouble, loneliness, hardship, and be confused, however this happens so that Jesus will be glorified.  Adversity is not inconsistent with the Christian life- and it is in that very weakness that the life of Jesus will be revealed.

That is where I find hope.  I find hope that somewhere in this perplexing situation Jesus is going to use it.  I can be assured that God still has a plan for our family and He is still going to use us, even if it doesn't go the way we thought it would.  And so once again, I am brought to a place of dependency- not on myself but on God and His leading regarding our future.

via

I liked this

❝Our relationship with Jesus is messy, intimate, and beautiful all at the same time. Often He takes us on these dangerous adventures just to strip everything else away but Himself. From there, He’ll show us that He is writing a bigger and far more beautiful story than we could have ever imagined.

— Paige Armstrong (via)

I liked this.  Sometimes I wonder what God is doing in our lives and where He is taking us. And this quote reminded me 2 things:
1.  God is working right now.  What He's doing in our lives is meaningful and purposeful even if it doesn't appear that way. 
2. God has something amazing planned for our future.  Not necessarily amazing like "get rich and retire early amazing."  But amazing like "I am going to use you in big ways because you are my ambassador on earth amazing."  

I just need to trust the path we have been on thus far; be patient with the unknown in the present; and be flexible with the plans I tend to hold onto so tightly for our future.

Easy, right? Don't worry.. I'm working on it :)

Let's talk about Money

So, it's been a while since I've updated you on something that I have talked about a lot on this blog.  Since we moved out to here to Chicago in the summer of 2008, one of our main goals has been to pay off our undergrad loans.  Every couple months, we would put the money we saved toward our loans and bit by bit paid off our smallest 2 ones.  Then, in the summer of 2010, we ran into a small dilemma.  My position at Trinity changed from Admissions Counselor to Event Coordinator meaning the company car I had needed to be returned.  That same summer, Dan's car was quickly breaking down on us, leaving us with one option.  We had to buy two cars.  


Needless to say, there were tears involved in that decision.  I'm not too emotional, but when I realized our plans to pay off our debt in 2 years was not going to happen, I was crushed.  Since we had been putting all of our extra money toward our undergrad loans, we had to take out two more loans to buy our cars, increasing our debt.  I thought the end was never in sight.  


But, this past December, after a generous gift from Dan's parents, we were able to officially pay off the last bit of our one car loan.  So, after three and a half years and $80,000 later, we are officially debt free. :)


It is an incredible feeling to have it all paid off!  But, at the same time, I have struggled with what to do next.  Save up an emergency fund... then save for a down payment on a home?  What about our baby?  Should we start saving for their education?  How quickly I can move from being satisfied and content, to being worried and concerned about the next steps in our budget. 


While these thoughts are not bad and most likely smart, I can't help but wonder if I will ever be content.  Am I always going to be striving for more money to meet another goal?  I sure hope not. I read from Piper recently:


"Godliness with contentment is great gain.  If your godliness has freed you from the desire to be rich and has helped you be content with what you have, then your godliness is tremendously profitable (1 Timothy 4:8). Godliness that overcomes the craving for material wealth produces great spiritual wealth."


This is my prayer recently.  That I would be content and thankful, not craving for more.  And right now, I am SO thankful that our debt is done.  It's really freeing, and I'm working on trying to rest in that :)

We survived so far.

We are officially done with our Educational Ministries class!  One more summer class starting today until Wednesday and we are ready to start our fall classes.  Seriously though, where in the world did our summer go!?  It was SO weird being back in class because I distinctly remember sitting in that same class two months ago thinking- when we meet again in August our summer will almost be over! 


Although there was a lot of sitting at Trinity for us this weekend for us, we also got to eat some Mexican with our friends Andy and Becca and watch Despicable Me which was so cute.   And Pastor Steven Furtick also preached at our church this week.  His wife, Holly, has a blog that I frequently follow, and let me tell you, he definitely brought the passion.  I haven't seen a preacher that passionate in a loooong time.  But, it was fun for the change up.  This past week I actually was looking through Beth Moore's book, Believing God, that I read a while ago and found a quote that really hit me and reminded me of Furtick's message:

"Promised Land theology becomes an earthbound reality to those who cash in their fear and complacency for the one ticket out of their long- inhabited wilderness."


As Dan and I think about our future there is a tremendous temptation for complacency.  For being safe and not taking risks.  We have been praying that God would help us not to let fear overtake our future.  Annnd let me tell you, that's tough.  Once again, I'm a detail oriented planner.  At times I am downright terrified. But, I know we're not going into the future alone.  Having God on your side is pretty sweet.

Anyway- that was a tangent.  Here are some pictures from our weekend.  Hope yours was wonderful :)

Our old Campus Director of Cru came over for dinner last week which was SUCH a treat.  He gave us a candle that smells like vanilla cupcake- a-mazing.  Anyway, Saturday morning I got it confused with Orange Juice.  It was a long day.  

Yes I took a picture of the movie Despicable Me.   It was that good. 

Kraft is coming out with Halloween cookies!! Too soon to get excited?  I definitely don't think so.