A story about a boy and a girl

Dan and I "celebrated" our 10 year dating anniversary yesterday.  I have always joked around with Dan that he probably never thought from that moment that I asked him to "dtr" in our driveway that night that he would never. ever. be single again.  And I tell him that was my plan all along :)

This 10 year anniversary came at such a sweet time for us.  Our move to New York has probably been the most "trying" on our relationship since we got married.  It's not our first move- obviously we moved out to Chicago after we got married, but we were totally and completely in our honeymoon phase.  I was excited to make dinners, become a homemaker, do laundry, and vacuum.  I'm not saying I don't enjoy cooking and cleaning anymore (well.. sometimes I don't :) ) however the "newness" of marriage and being a wife has faded and Dan is working a job that demands more of his time and energy.  We are in a new place.  We now have a son.  And we have had to have conversations that we haven't had before.  What came naturally to us 3 years ago is something we have to fight for in this stage of our relationship. 

And although we're not "through" this difficult time, I am thankful to say that it has been worth the fight.  I knew coming out here we would need to fight for our marriage.  We have been put into an environment where we have no community, no church, no family.  It can be the breeding ground for resentment, selfishness, and critical hearts in a marriage.  And I can say that I have experienced all of that in the past four months.  However, I am thankful that God has shown me areas that I need to work on in my heart.  More often than not in marriage, I have realized that while I can easily first point fingers at Dan, there are just as many fingers that should be pointed back at me.

So this 10 year anniversary is sweeter because of the experiences that we have had recently.  Looking back on our wedding day, it almost seems impossible to think I could have fallen more in love with Dan, but as super cheesy as that sounds, I have.  What we have now is so much more than the giddy, new love.  And while those were such sweet memories for us, I love where we are now.  Where I am privileged to watch him as a dad, see him working hard to support our family, follow him as he strives to stay passionate in his walk with God.

My sweet discipler, Jenny, for my wedding gave me the prayers from "The Power of a Praying Wife" on note cards and I can honestly say it is one of my all time favorite wedding gifts.  I prayed this prayer this morning and can say it is the true desire of my heart for our marriage.  It's long, but well worth the read :)

Lord help me to be a good wife.  I fully realize that I don’t have what it takes to be one without your help. Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long suffering, and the willingness to bear all things.  Take my old emotional habits, mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions, and self-protective stance, and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled.  Take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with your battering ram of revelation.  Give me a new heart and work in me your love, pace, and joy (Galatians 5:22, 23).  I am not able to rise above who I am at this moment.  Only You can transform me.  Show me where there is sin in my heart, especially with regard to my husband.  I confess the times I’ve been unloving, critical, angry, resentful, disrespectful, or unforgiving toward him.  Help me to put aside any hurt, anger, or disappointment I feel and forgive him the way You do- totally and completely, no looking back.  Make me a tool of reconciliation, peace, and healing in this marriage. 

Enable us to communicate well and rescue us from the threshold of separation where the realities of divorce begin.  Make me my husband’s helpmate, companion, champion, friend, and support.  Help me to create a peaceful, restful, safe place for him to come home to.  Teach me how to take care of myself and stay attractive to him.  Grow me into a creative and confident woman who is rich in mind, soul, and spirit.  Make me the kind of woman he can be proud to say is his wife.  I lay areas where I should be looking to You.   Help me to accept him the way he is and not try to change him.  I realize that in some ways he may never change, but at the same time, I release him to change in ways I never thought he could.  I leave any changing that needs to be done in your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and never will be. Only you Lord, are perfect and I look to you to perfect us.  Teach me how to pray for my husband and make my prayers a true language of love. 

Where love has died, create new love between us.  Show me what unconditional love really is and how to communicate it in a way that he can clearly perceive.  Bring unity between us so that we can be in agreement about everything (Amos 3:3).  May the God of patience and comfort grant us to be like minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus (Romans 15:5).  Make us a team, not pursuing separate, competitive, or independent lives, but working together, overlooking each other’s faults and weaknesses for the greater good of the marriage.  Help us to pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another (Romans 14:19).  May we be “perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment” (1Corinthians 1:10). I pray that our commitment to You and to one another will grow stronger and more passionate every day.  Enable him to be the head of the home as You made him to be, and show me how to support and respect him as he rises to the place of leadership.  Help me to understand his dreams and see things from his perspective.  Reveal to me what he wants and needs and show me potential problems before they arise. Breathe your life into this marriage.  Make me a new person, Lord.  Give me a fresh perspective, a positive outlook, and a renewed relationship with the man You’ve given me.  Help me see him with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion, and new acceptance.