A Tribute to One Amazing Woman

The following is what I shared at Berta's funeral. It was such a wonderful ceremony that honored and celebrated her life and glorified the Lord and I felt privileged to be able to share some memories about Berta and how she touched my life. She will be so so missed, but the impact she left on all of us will be with us for the rest of our lives.

There were a number of things that happened when I became a Cinadr. Right off the bat I quickly realized that never again would anyone pronounce or spell my last name correctly and that I needed to get used to saying phrases like: “Cinadr with a C, yes I'm spelling it correctly, and no there's not a missing vowel at the end.” And, not only did I become a part of this wonderful family, but I found myself changing in other ways I didn't expect.  For starters, I became much more keenly aware of scents.  This may sound strange but there wasn’t a time when I walked into Larry and Berta’s house and didn’t comment on how wonderful it smelled or how wonderful Berta smelled.  And she always would excitedly share with me her most recent Bath and Body works perfume she was wearing :)  Secondly, I found myself much more comfortable with hugging and kissing people.  To friends and family who know me, it’s no surprise to them that the love language physical touch is not at the top of my list, but the Cinadr’s have a way of making you more emotional, and it’s always for the best.  And lastly, these last 8 years I have learned to cherish the little things.  Mother Teresa once said, “Do small things with great love” and while Berta always smelled good and gave some of the best, warmest hugs, this last one is what I will remember her for most.  

Berta had a way of letting you know she was always thinking about you.  Whether it was a panda video she posted on my Facebook wall, a pumpkin recipe she would text me knowing I loved all things pumpkin, sending one of her and Larry’s many packages filled with treats and gifts to our sons Jake and Cole, or simply sharing with me a song that made her think of me, she was such a generous woman, and seemed to always be thinking of other people in spite of fighting a daily, and perhaps at times what felt like a minute by minute, battle with cancer.

I also had the privilege of knowing Berta as the grandmother to our two sons, Jake and Cole. It honestly was a joy to watch Berta cherish our kids.  I’ll never forget one weekend in particular that Larry and Berta came to visit us in New York.  When they arrived Dan and I mentioned we could do something fun like show them around the city but they insisted on just staying in and simply doing life with us.  Saturday morning Dan needed to mow the lawn so he headed out there and Jake followed suit as he usually did with his own little toy lawn mower.  I was sitting on the porch when Berta came out after getting ready, and she took one look at Dan and Jake and burst into tears.  I quickly ran up to her asking what was wrong and through her tears she responded, “I just love this!  I just love watching them mow the lawn!”  I couldn’t help but just laugh and give her a hug.  Remember how I told you the Cinadr’s had a way of making you hug and be more emotional?  Berta reminded me to stop and take a moment to be thankful for even the littlest things like my husband and son mowing the lawn together.  And what a blessing she was because more and more I’m learning just like Berta to enjoy the little things in life, because as I look back, I’m starting to realize they were the big things.

The last memory I wanted to share about Berta was when she met Jake for the first time.  We found out Berta’s cancer returned when I was about 5 months pregnant with Jake, so when he was born, because of her chemo schedule and living in Texas they couldn’t make it out to Chicago to meet him until he was a couple weeks old.  When they arrived to our apartment I was with Jake in the other room and I’ll never forget the look on her face when I brought out this teeny tiny baby from our bedroom and placed him in her arms.  She was so excited to meet him, and after being held by an anxious, new mom for the past two weeks, he was immediately calm and relaxed as Berta held him.  We nicknamed her the baby whisperer because for the week that they stayed with us the only person that could calm him down was her.  

And that is how Berta has always made me feel.  When I was around her there wasn’t any striving to be more or do more.  She had a way of putting me and other people at rest and in her presence I always felt that I was enough.  To me, that is true beauty and I as a daughter in law it was so refreshing to be around her. 

Berta’s overwhelming strength came from her friends and family and from the Lord.  She knew that God was with her through every moment of her cancer and that confidence allowed her to cherish every last moment she had here with us.  And while I can’t express how much Berta will be missed, I am so incredibly thankful that God gave Dan such a wonderful mother to raise him, myself such a loving mother in law to learn from, and our sons Jake and Cole, such a generous grandmother to love on them.

Wet Oatmeal Kisses

This morning at Bible study the leader read this poem, and half way through I felt my eyes start to burn and thankfully looked over at my friend (who is 37 weeks pregnant and at the acceptable stage for crying at anything) and discovered I wasn't alone.  Yes, motherhood is hard.  Parenting is hard.  Not getting sleep is hard.  But this is such a short short season of my life and this poem captured it perfectly.  

Wet Oatmeal Kisses

The baby is teething. The children are fighting. Your husband just called and said, “Eat dinner without me.” One of these days you’ll explode and shout to the kids, “Why don’t you grow up and act your age?” And they will.

Or, “You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do. And don’t slam the door!” And they don’t. You’ll straighten their bedrooms all neat and tidy, toys displayed on the shelf, hangers in the closet, animals caged. You’ll yell, “Now I want it to stay this way!” And it will.

You will prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn’t had all the olives picked out and a cake with no finger traces in the icing and you’ll say, “Now THIS is a meal for company.” And you will eat it alone.

You’ll say, “I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around, no pantomines, no demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?” and you’ll have it. No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti, no more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent, no more dandelion bouquets, no more iron-on patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots, missing mittens, or ponytails falling out.

Imagine, a lipstick with a point, no babysitter, washing clothes only once a week, no parent meetings, carpools, Christmas presents out of toothpicks and paste.

No more wet oatmeal kisses.

No more toothfairy, giggles in the dark, or knees to heal.

Only a voice crying, “Why don’t you grow up?” and the silence echoing,

“I did”

Some new pictures I got printed :)

We threw a shower for a dear friend who is expecting a little baby GIRL!

I can't even handle his little smile!

I love all the guys in my life :)

Jake made this at church and it was the cutest little project I had ever seen!

This is his "I just made purple!" face haha

Death is not Dying

This weekend we were back in Ohio to celebrate more wedding festivities! While there was a lot of driving involved and family and friends to see, I couldn't help but be captivated by a particular person that I met- Kylie's Aunt Vicky. Kylie has talked about her a lot and the impact she has made on her life, but man, have you ever met one of those people that are just totally living their life not for this world? Or someone who radiates a humble and thankful spirit? This was Kylie's Aunt Vicky. You can identify these people right away because they are so not like this world. Meeting people like that puts life back in perspective. They remind me WHO really makes us beautiful and what this life is really all about.

Another person really impacted me this weekend. Her name is Rachel. Unfortunately, she died a year ago, so I didn't get a chance to meet her. But, I am very thankful that Moody radio decided to air a talk that Rachel gave 4 months before she died (last March). As I was driving to meet Dan on Friday, K Love was playing their usual reruns so I was flipping through the radio to find something worth listening to when I landed on Moody radio that was airing a talk that Rachel was giving to her church. Since I caught it half way through, I decided to listen to the rest of it this morning. Diagnosed with bone cancer at 37 years old, she was told she had about 6 weeks to live. Her church asked her to give a talk to about 40 women, but 600 ended up coming to hear what she had to say. Her boldness to share the gospel and talk about eternity amidst leaving her husband and two small children behind was one of the most impactful talks I have heard in a while. If you have some time I would highly recommend listening to it here.

John Wooden

There has been SO much going on these last few weeks that I don't even know where to start... I figured once I get pictures uploaded I will tell you about our fun adventures. So I figured I'd start with something God has shown me recently :) So the day before John Wooden passed away, Dan and I were watching the World Series for softball (Beth got us hooked when she visited :) and scrolling across the bottom of the screen were some details about John Wooden and how he was hospitalized and not doing well. As most people know, he passed away (2) Saturdays ago and it seemed like he was ALL over ESPN. Being the girl that I am, I asked Dan who he was and why he was everywhere! Dan filled me in on all of his major accomplishments at UCLA and what not, but what intrigued me the most was his character. I watched a couple interviews with him and was just in awe about how openly he talked about his faith, his "non" fear of death, and shared his poetry with these ESPN anchors. The next day I went on line, still thinking about him, to look up what he was all about, and was floored at all the articles about him. Here were some quotes I found:

"We see how his legend affected so many people. How he didn't just coach, he taught. He didn't yell or curse, he inspired."

"We will remember his selfless gifts, lesson, time, vision, faith, and patience."

"This was the passing of an incredible coach but an even better man."

"He cared more about his players success as a person- not player."

"Lived a life filled with integrity, faith, and humility."

"Known for his love for God, wife, leadership... he was humble and genuine."

"For those few minutes interviewing him, my day slowed down and I knew I was in the presence of greatness."

"He talked about faith. He said he wanted God to say 'Well done.'"

I seriously was floored by the legacy he left. Who wouldn't want to be remembered by all of that? What amazed me even more was that there were so many people who met him only once for a half an hour, and they said that half an hour changed their life. Why were people drawn to him? God. He lived a supernatural life- that is why so many people were changed in his presence. He didn't trust in this world for happiness (having lost his wife in '85, he knew this world would not satisfy)- he wasn't content with this world, he was content in his faith and with God.

John said " Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely who others think you are."

Lastly, I found this poem that he wrote, and thought it showed his true character.

"The years have left an imprint on my hands and on my face.

Erect no longer is my walk and slower is my pace.

But there is no fear within my heart because I'm growing old.

I only wish I had more time to better serve my Lord.

But I've gone to human prayer, he has brought me inner peace.

And soon my cares and problems and other worries cease.

He's helped me in so many ways and never let me down,

why should I fear the future when soon I could be near his crown?

Though I know down here my time is short, there's endless time up there,

That He will forgive and Keep me in His ever loving care."

What a great inspiration. I only hope to leave a legacy as great as his.

Resting and weddings!

God is always so good to me (stef- well He's good to Dan, too, but this is Stef :) and He is always faithful in telling me when I need to slow down- it shouldn't surprise me when He does this since He created me and knows me inside and out, but it always does lol

When Christmas break hit I was in total need of a break, emotionally, spiritually, and physically because I had run myself dry. (maybe that's how I got mono.... lol) This isn't new for me. Really starting in college is when I guess my "busyness" tendency started - I was known as that girl that was always on the go- doing homework, involved in something, meeting someone for coffee, etc. I lived my life responding to people and deadlines, not really actively living. Over the break I was convicted to really think about my priorities and what is essential. In my Bible Study on Thursday mornings we read Chuck Swindoll's book "Paul" and one quote in particular really spoke to me: "Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people."

He proceeded to talk about how a life marked by depth can only be cultivated in protracted periods of time spent in solitude, quietness, and obscurity where we rearrange our private world, rethink priorities, and simplify life. It was in Arabia that the apostle Paul learned these things, where self reliance and his people pleasing tendencies wore away and he found himself content in Christ. My prayer is that I can do the same this year- to not get caught up in making lists and getting done everything I need to get done so I can appear "put together" but to slow down and just walk with my Savior and rest in Him.

Well, why this all has come up was because yesterday I get these Proverbs 31 daily emails and it discussed how leaving a legacy doesn't come from being busy, it comes from living a life of purpose. After a somewhat busy but fun weekend, I found myself needing some much needed down time :)

Speaking of this weekend.. I traveled to the wonderful state of Ohio to visit with one of my roommates/ friends from college, Kylie who has recently gotten engaged!! I went down to visit and in hopes of helping her find a dress and we were successful! It was such a fun and encouraging weekend- I l.o.v.e my Miami girls :)

Here are a couple pictures:

This is Kelsey (Kylie's sister!), Kylie, Christy, and me!

Cynthia, Kylie and Me :)

Also, has anyone seen those huge energy windmill things on 65 in Indy?! I think they are sweet and seriously look forward to seeing them everytime I drive on 65 lol So... I decided to take a couple pictures of them. Although I almost died pulling over on the side of the road with semi's driving past me going I swear 90mph, I got some pics :) It was kinda gray.. but look at how cool they are! And although the picture doesn't show it.. they are HUGE in person lol