So I threw my back out. Can I just say I've never had any back problems ever in my life. I know people who have gotten injured in sports or had back issues from running or had chronic pain in their foot. Or something like that. But I've never experienced anything like this before. And all I can say is that this is one of the most humbling experiences for me. And I also have a totally new appreciation for people suffering from back pain.
I literally just stood up from a chair. I did stand up a little awkward. I was holding my abnormally large 4 month old and straddling a glider foot rest in our church's nursing room when I felt it. Like someone took a knife to my lower back. Seriously praise the Lord I had my phone in my hand because I couldn't move from that chair and I don't know how I would have moved while holding Cole. I think part of me just hoped that after laying in that glider awkwardly for a couple minutes I would feel better, but I knew that the unstoppable tears flowing down my face after grabbing Dan's hand in an attempt to stand meant this pain wasn't going to go away quickly. And it hasn't. Here we are, Thursday. Day 4 of laying in my bed. I'm so thankful for an awesome husband who has been doing way more than he bargained for this week, and my super helpful mom and dad who let my mom come to stay with us for the week because I just don't know how else we would be surviving over here.
However, all this laying in bed has given me time to catch up on emails, photography, adoption, and many other things that I don't have time to do with a toddler and baby during the day! Somewhere around Tuesday I decided that if I was going to be bed ridden for a couple days I might as well make the best of it. So, here we are.
And somewhere around this time of the year God always slows me down. Somewhere around Good Friday He stops me in my tracks and He has me remember. (even though I wish it didn't happen like this ;) ) And His reminder is always much needed for me. That before Sunday can come, there is Good Friday. A day that was destined for Jesus long before He was even born. A day where He takes our sins- my sins- to the cross and is crushed and pierced so that I can be healed and so that I can have peace.
Just this week I have been following a devotional through SheReadsTruth and they posted one on Wednesday about what happened in real time the Wednesday before Jesus died that really spoke to me. And it's the story about Mary pouring out expensive perfume when she sees Jesus. I've totally heard this story a thousand times but it never clicked to me that this happened just days before the crucifixion. What a beautiful thing for someone to do for Jesus just days before his death. And while she got a lot of flack for "wasting" the expensive perfume, Jesus justified her action, saying it was beautiful.
Mary challenges me in so many ways, because I am definitely hard wired more like her sister, Martha. I am the person who wants to always "do" and be and I like to think pragmatically. I am the person who would be questioning why Mary is pouring out such expensive perfume when there are tons of poor people who could be fed with that perfume if it was sold. And Jesus' response is striking to me. Just like the response he gives the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son- the radical grace that God gives us when we return even when we don't deserve it. To me it doesn't make sense. And Mary's actions here to me practically don't make sense. Yet Jesus is telling the people at the dinner not to think practically, but to realize what is at stake - Jesus is going to die. And Mary gets that. She understands what is at stake and her actions show how deeply she understands the sacrifice that Jesus is going to make and Jesus says that her understanding and actions because of that are beautiful and that she will be remembered for generations because of it.
How I want people to remember me for my beauty. Not the outward beauty because that fades and is so so fleeting. But for the beautiful acts that I do for people and for Jesus. Because that is what impacts generations to come. And beauty is something that we crave in this world and it's something that Jesus created and declared good - just look around in His creation and we can see it everywhere. And He shares it with us to enjoy- in every new bud that comes up this spring and every sunrise and sunset. What a gift that we have. I pray that God would make me more like Mary. Who can see what is truly important and create beauty where it is needed.
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