Halloween Baseball edition and a Thank You

As you guys know from my last post, things have been hard and different around here lately.  We have been missing Berta a lot and the holidays aren't the same without her.  It is a blessing that the holidays are coming up because we get to be with family, however it brings to reality even more that she isn't here.  I think this is the first holiday for me where there is a deep sadness surrounding it.  I've always heard people talk about the holidays being hard but now I truly get it.  We are entering many firsts.   First Thanksgiving without her, first Christmas without her, even first trip back to Ohio without seeing her.  There are so many feelings and emotions and it can be hard and overwhelming to even process it all.  And it is so sad to me that she will never meet our little boy that we will soon bring home from China.  We know God is good.  We know that Berta is experiencing pure joy in heaven right now, but we still miss her here. She will never be forgotten and her spirit is forever present in all we do.  I can't thank you enough for all of your prayers, texts, and phone calls we have gotten this past month.  It means the world to us and we are so thankful for all of you helping us get through this difficult time. 

We were in Ohio for Halloween this year and Jake definitely picked a good costume as an Indians player.  He got a lot of "Go Tribe!" as he (and Cole for about 15 minutes) went trick or treating.  It was a lot of fun for him to get dressed up and this year he definitely got the concept of saying trick or treat and getting candy and actually got quite a lot!  We still have a lot more to eat!  Looking back it would have been fun to dress Cole up in a Cubs outfit because of the World Series but it all worked out :)  It definitely was a fun time for Jake to be so into the Indians with the world series and he had a blast dressing up!

11 months {Cole William}

So I figured I should post an 11 month update before  three hours from now Cole turns ONE.  It's been a long month, and I'm sad I didn't get these pictures posted earlier (because they are so cute!) but better late than never :)

It's hard to remember 11 months specifically since we are at 12 months- we are doing the basics around here- pulling up on everything and cruising along furniture, playing more and more with Jake (and taking his toys :) ), still loving food more than anything, starting to fall into a two nap schedule, and he took his first plan ride to California this month!  He did awesome :)  MUCH better than the car.  I really think he just doesn't like being strapped in.

We love this guy more and more.  I definitely love the baby phase, but I have to be honest, starting to see his little personality is so fun :)  I really forgot how fun it was!  Just the other day Dan told me that this is when he starts to take over, aka dad becomes the favorite, but I'm still holding on to his little snuggles and the clinging that he does to me- because if he's anything like Jake, Dad's going to be the hero soon.  But honestly, I'm ok with that and there isn't anyone else I'd rather them look up to! We are so so blessed- I can't help but look at these little guys and feel so incredibly thankful for them.

A Tribute to One Amazing Woman

The following is what I shared at Berta's funeral. It was such a wonderful ceremony that honored and celebrated her life and glorified the Lord and I felt privileged to be able to share some memories about Berta and how she touched my life. She will be so so missed, but the impact she left on all of us will be with us for the rest of our lives.

There were a number of things that happened when I became a Cinadr. Right off the bat I quickly realized that never again would anyone pronounce or spell my last name correctly and that I needed to get used to saying phrases like: “Cinadr with a C, yes I'm spelling it correctly, and no there's not a missing vowel at the end.” And, not only did I become a part of this wonderful family, but I found myself changing in other ways I didn't expect.  For starters, I became much more keenly aware of scents.  This may sound strange but there wasn’t a time when I walked into Larry and Berta’s house and didn’t comment on how wonderful it smelled or how wonderful Berta smelled.  And she always would excitedly share with me her most recent Bath and Body works perfume she was wearing :)  Secondly, I found myself much more comfortable with hugging and kissing people.  To friends and family who know me, it’s no surprise to them that the love language physical touch is not at the top of my list, but the Cinadr’s have a way of making you more emotional, and it’s always for the best.  And lastly, these last 8 years I have learned to cherish the little things.  Mother Teresa once said, “Do small things with great love” and while Berta always smelled good and gave some of the best, warmest hugs, this last one is what I will remember her for most.  

Berta had a way of letting you know she was always thinking about you.  Whether it was a panda video she posted on my Facebook wall, a pumpkin recipe she would text me knowing I loved all things pumpkin, sending one of her and Larry’s many packages filled with treats and gifts to our sons Jake and Cole, or simply sharing with me a song that made her think of me, she was such a generous woman, and seemed to always be thinking of other people in spite of fighting a daily, and perhaps at times what felt like a minute by minute, battle with cancer.

I also had the privilege of knowing Berta as the grandmother to our two sons, Jake and Cole. It honestly was a joy to watch Berta cherish our kids.  I’ll never forget one weekend in particular that Larry and Berta came to visit us in New York.  When they arrived Dan and I mentioned we could do something fun like show them around the city but they insisted on just staying in and simply doing life with us.  Saturday morning Dan needed to mow the lawn so he headed out there and Jake followed suit as he usually did with his own little toy lawn mower.  I was sitting on the porch when Berta came out after getting ready, and she took one look at Dan and Jake and burst into tears.  I quickly ran up to her asking what was wrong and through her tears she responded, “I just love this!  I just love watching them mow the lawn!”  I couldn’t help but just laugh and give her a hug.  Remember how I told you the Cinadr’s had a way of making you hug and be more emotional?  Berta reminded me to stop and take a moment to be thankful for even the littlest things like my husband and son mowing the lawn together.  And what a blessing she was because more and more I’m learning just like Berta to enjoy the little things in life, because as I look back, I’m starting to realize they were the big things.

The last memory I wanted to share about Berta was when she met Jake for the first time.  We found out Berta’s cancer returned when I was about 5 months pregnant with Jake, so when he was born, because of her chemo schedule and living in Texas they couldn’t make it out to Chicago to meet him until he was a couple weeks old.  When they arrived to our apartment I was with Jake in the other room and I’ll never forget the look on her face when I brought out this teeny tiny baby from our bedroom and placed him in her arms.  She was so excited to meet him, and after being held by an anxious, new mom for the past two weeks, he was immediately calm and relaxed as Berta held him.  We nicknamed her the baby whisperer because for the week that they stayed with us the only person that could calm him down was her.  

And that is how Berta has always made me feel.  When I was around her there wasn’t any striving to be more or do more.  She had a way of putting me and other people at rest and in her presence I always felt that I was enough.  To me, that is true beauty and I as a daughter in law it was so refreshing to be around her. 

Berta’s overwhelming strength came from her friends and family and from the Lord.  She knew that God was with her through every moment of her cancer and that confidence allowed her to cherish every last moment she had here with us.  And while I can’t express how much Berta will be missed, I am so incredibly thankful that God gave Dan such a wonderful mother to raise him, myself such a loving mother in law to learn from, and our sons Jake and Cole, such a generous grandmother to love on them.