Parenting the Wholehearted Child- a book review

I seriously cannot recommend this book enough.  I purchased it on our kindle for something like 2.99 and it was some of the best money I have spent- honestly!  I have learned SO much from Jeannie Cunnion and she gives such practical wisdom on how to parent.  There are a lot of good "theoretical" parenting books out there, and don't get me wrong, I love those and you really need those, but Jeannie does such a great mix of both- sharing her heart behind how to parent well and then gives examples of how to do that (by God's grace).  She also gives some great resources from other authors throughout her book as well.  So Lord willing, I will just give a short review and not basically copy and paste her whole book here :)  I am not going to cover every chapter but these were some things that really stuck out to me.

Main Theme

Her main point: raising wholehearted kids: kids who live in the freedom found in being wholeheartedly and unconditionally loved by God.  Her first few chapters are spent on speaking directly to parents and encouraging us to make sure we are spending time with God so that our kids can get the best parts of us. I wrote down this verse to memorize on the tough days "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9.

First things First

A huge take away for me was how we approach "seeds" ie: prayer, Bible reading, scripture memorization, worship, and service with our kids.  She created a chart that showed how we first need to teach our kids about their identity in Christ- reminding them that they are unconditionally loved by God, then we can encourage the "seeds" because those things nurture and develop their identity in Christ.  You can't force prayer, Bible reading, etc without first sharing who God is and what that means for our kids, or they will reach a point where they start wondering why we are forcing them to read the Bible, serve other people, etc.  We want to first share the "why" we do these things- and it's not a check list to earn favor with God, it's to nurture our relationship with God because of what He has done for us.

Prayer

I LOVED her tips on how to teach your kids how to pray.  Some of us have heard of the adults version of "ACTS: Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication."  Basically it is a helpful acronym for what to pray.  She created something similar for kids to help teach them how to pray: Wow (God you are so great because...) , I'm sorry (please forgive me for ...), Thank you, and Please.  She also said if your kids are resisting prayer/ are uncomfortable, to ask them questions like "where did you experience God today?" or "what were your highs or lows" so this can start to show your kids that God is in the details of their life.

Life Verse

Dan and I picked out a verse for Jake when he was born and it is basically our "prayer" for him in a way (1 Samuel 12:24).  However I liked what Jennie does with hers- she picks a verse that God put on her heart either when she got pregnant with them or when they were born.  She wants them to read that verse knowing that God started their story even before they can remember.  It is a reminder that God is for them, He has a purpose for their life and they are apart of something greater.  Basically she wants to show them that this is how their "story" started. 

Worship

Do I present church/ worship as something we have to do or something we get to do?  In church am I smiling at them or snuggling with them or am I constantly correcting and shushing? 

Obedience

This part of her book not only changed my parenting view, but changed my view of God in general.  She shared that how we present to our kids the question of "why do we obey God's Word and follow His 'rules' in the Bible?" is huge.  And her response was so helpful to me:  Aren't God's instructions for righteous living an invitation to experience a more intimate relationship with Him?  Aren't His commandments intended to equip and bless us for the purpose of which we were created for?  Isn't His call to obedience actually the blueprint to abundant life and freedom from slavery to sin?  Jeannie encouraged us to share with our kids that we don't obey God's word because we have to- we actually obey God's Word because that is what brings us JOY.  God created us and therefore He knows how humans work.  He knows that we experience freedom when we confess our sin and say we are sorry that is why He tells us to do so.  God knows that this world doesn't offer things that ultimately bring true satisfaction that is why He tells us to read His Word and spend time in prayer because those are the things that bring true satisfaction in life. 

Freedom

She also shares how there is so much freedom in embracing the fact that our primary purpose in life is not to point to ourselves as the ultimate model for our kids but to point away from ourselves and to Jesus.  Am I more focused on what I want my kids to be doing or am I pointing them back to their need for Jesus and what He has done for them? 

Respect

Another tip I love is that she says to constantly ask questions such as, "How does it make you feel when you are left out or someone takes a toy from you?"  If we ask questions our kids are required to think deeply about what they are doing as opposed to us just saying, "Give that toy back!"

Self Control

I probably should memorize this chapter considering the toddler phase I am in right now.  She had some great advice for me.  First, she said I need to show a spirit of self control or I will teach my kids to do what I'm doing- outbursts, yelling, etc.   Here were some tips she gave that worked for her 3 boys were these when it came to helping them with self control:

• Have them show her their hands if they were hitting
• Use words not hands
• Help them come up with a plan of how to handle themselves
• Count or take deep breaths

Kindness

Each of our kids were created with unique gifts so encourage your kids to celebrate each others successes.  As a mom, we need to remember that kindness leads to repentance, so are we being kind and building up our kids or are we tearing them down?

Thankfulness

In a world that is filled with so much entitlement, this is going to be a difficult one to implement, but my prayer is that we can raise Jake to be thankful- realizing everything he has is a gift from God.  I also want to foster an overwhelming awareness of God's grace by teaching him what Jesus has done.  Instead of allowing our kids to complain, we can have them name something they are thankful for- being thankful changes the trajectory of our hearts. 

Peacemaking

I loved this chapter because who doesn't want a peaceful home?  She first tackles the issue of tattling and asks her kids when they are tattling, "are you being a peacemaker or trying to get your brother in trouble?"  She identifies that the root of tattling with her kids (and most kids) is pride and self righteousness- I'm the good guy and he's the bad guy.  One of her main points in this chapter is to encourage your kids to develop problem solving skills to solve issue themselves as opposed to coming to her at the first sign of an argument- and she gives some helpful steps on how she does this.

Authority, Training, and Instructing

I seriously underlined almost everything in these chapters but I'll spare you all of those details.  As with most parenting books I've read recently- she agrees that you shouldn't make kids obey out of fear and guilt because it doesn't change the heart.  I liked her principle of "respectful and reasonable."  When she asks her kids to do something (whether it's leaving the park, coming to the kitchen to eat, etc) she expects them to listen and obey, however, they can ask a reasonable request in a respectful manner, such as "Can I come to the table after I'm done reading this page?"  Some parenting books talk about how your kids need to listen right away without delay, but I like her principle because it seems more realistic to me (allowing your kids to respectfully ask questions as opposed to obeying immediately every single time) and she is encouraging her kids not to wine and complain.  Another take away from this chapter for me was when she encouraged parents to use specifics when praising your kids or asking them questions.  Instead of asking, "are you being a good boy?" ask, "are you being kind and gentle? Or are you being a peacemaker?"  I lastly loved how she encouraged parents not to always be on "sin patrol" but to look for the moments where we can encourage them- and to also be specific with that as well. 

Discipline

Jeannie begins this chapter by encouraging us to teach our kids about sin and what it does to our hearts, mind, and soul.  We have to tell them about sin so they see themselves in need of a Savior.  We also want to tell our kids that we discipline them because we want them to grow into the man (or woman) of God that they were created to be.  We need to come alongside them to help them understand the root of sin, instead of responding to our kids by saying, "How could you?" when they do something wrong.  Those are big opportunities to tell our kids about Jesus.  I know this may seem so obvious, but even her talking about setting realistic expectations was really helpful for me to read, such as don't expect your toddler to be a perfect angel if you're taking them out to eat at 8:30 at night.  These are the steps she uses when she disciplines: 

1. Why are you being disciplined (explain what they did)

2. Why did you disobey? (point to our fallen nature- aka sin)

3. How could you have responded differently? (good time to point them to Bible verses)

4. Now- Discipline (usually it is a logical consequence that correlates to the behavior such as a loss of privilege, time out, or spanking)

I know that was way more than I intended on writing but this book had SUCH good stuff in it that I wanted to share it all.  I have this problem where I can't just read books, I need to underline things then take notes on it later.  It seriously helps me remember all the info better (I guess I still think I'm in grad school lol)  Anyway, I hope you were encouraged by this in one way or another :)  Obviously if you're a parent, I highly recommend this book!  

An encouraging conversation and some strawberry picking

I recently had a conversation with a friend who just kind of blew me away.  She's in her 30's and has already battled cancer- twice. Sitting in my living room, having Spiedie sandwiches (a staple here in Binghamton :)) and onion rings, she shared with me her story. Her story of how after she battled cancer the first time, she invited all of her friends on a weekend getaway and showered them with gifts to thank them for all their support, only to discover weeks before her trip that the cancer was back.

She shared with me some of the conversations she was able to have with her doctors about God.  She talked about the difficulties and her future of unknowns, but what surprised me the most out of everything she said was the ultimate trust she had in God.  She said her first reaction when the doctor said that it was cancer, was OK God, I trust you.  Let's do this. I have trouble trusting God with what I'm going to do in the afternoon with Jake when it's raining outside let alone handing God your life when you get the news that you have cancer and saying, "I trust you, God.  This situation isn't out of your control."

Recently I've been listening to this song during my quiet times, and the lyrics have been such an encouragement to me:

Through it all, through it all

My eyes are on You

Through it all, through it all

It is well

Far be it from me to not believe

Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me

Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

So let go my soul and trust in Him

The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul.

These past few weeks I've been asking God what He's doing in our lives and where He's taking us and it's easy for me to get caught up in our circumstances instead of simply trusting and being caught up in Him.  The unknown can be hard for a type A planner like me who can't sit still and simply "be."  So, hearing this particular friend open up about her unknowns and the trust she has every time she gets her scans done was just what my little heart needed to hear.

As my friend was leaving all I could say was thank you to her.  I just wanted to thank her for sharing her story with me, and for letting God use her trials for good.  It was such a privilege to hear how God is using her cancer to touch people in ways they probably have never experienced. She reminded me that we all have a story that God wants to use to reach people. As God taught me 4 years ago and apparently is still teaching me, "We are not profound or great, but what God is doing in our lives for His Kingdom is profound and great."

Parenting and Scripture Memorization

I can't help but laugh when I think back to a year ago when I started to memorize the entire book of James.  I don't know what I was thinking, but one thing was for sure, the first four verses were SUCH a huge help to me as we went through our miscarriage.  Honestly, it was one of the first things that went through my head when I was driving home from the doctors office with little Jake in the back seat.

"Count it all JOY my brothers when you meet trials of various kind, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

I remember when I "mapped" out how long it would take me to memorize the whole book -  if I memorized 4 verses a week I could be done by September.  Totally doable.

Bahahaha.  I laugh now as it was just yesterday that I finished memorizing the last 4 verses in chapter 5.  I'm only 8 months behind ;)  However, needless to say, it was totally the Lord who kept pushing me to finish.  He continued to remind me that His Word revives my soul, his precepts rejoice my heart, and they are better than gold (Psalm 19) and that man doesn't just live on bread alone, but on every Word of God (Matthew 4).  Because I have memorized scripture, I can have immediate comfort when I go through a situation.  Instead of acting on my feelings, whatever the situation may be, I can be comforted by God's Word which is true and encouraging.

I just started reading a book called "Parenting the Wholehearted Child" by Jeannie Cunnion.  I haven't even finished it, but if you're a parent I would totally recommend you purchasing it on amazon right now.  I bought the kindle edition for only $4.  It was so worth it.  I just finished reading her chapter on scripture memorization and she gives such helpful ways that she has used scripture to parent her three boys. While I knew beforehand this was something I needed to do, God used her book to really show me that I can start now because before I know it, Jake will be able to sit for more than 5 seconds and have a conversation with me.

Already, this age is FULL of sharing issues.  She took my toy.  I want his toy.  I didn't realize how much I wanted to ride my horse until she got on my horse and is loving it and now I'm devastated that I'm not on the horse and she is.  (play dates can be such a sanctifying experience :) )  For situations like this I would love to memorize Philippians 2:3-5 so when Jake is struggling with selfishness (and lets be honest, I'll need it, too) we can be reminded not to do anything out of selfish ambition, but in humility to value others interests above our own.

Another thing I really hope to show Jake through scripture is that the Bible is not just a book of rules.  I don't want to just remind him of scripture when I'm correcting him so that he will somehow equate God to this person who only loves him when he's doing the right thing.  That's why I want him to memorize verses like this (the one below)

I want Jake to know that God loves him more than anything in this whole world, even me (which is crazy to think about!)  I pray that as we read the Bible together he sees that God is 100% for him.  That He has this awesome purpose for his life and that Jake is apart of something so much greater than himself.  And that's why we gave Jake a "life verse" when he was born.  We want him to know that God has a story written specifically for him.  

When we chose 1 Samuel 12:24 "Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with your whole heart, for consider what great things He has done for you" we obviously hoped that it would encourage Jake to fear God and serve Him.  However, during that season of my life God had me right smack dab in the middle of reading 1,000 gifts by Ann Voskamp and He was showing me what an awesome gift Jake was, even in the (at times) difficulty of being a parent of a newborn.  That's why this verse stuck out to me, my prayer is that Jake will see all the little gifts from God that He gives us during the day- from a trip to get ice cream to simply a walk to the park.  I hope Jake has an eye for God so he truly can see all the great things He has done and continues to do for Him.

I know a read a lot of parenting books.  (I wrote another post about scripture memorization here) But just the other day Dan and I were talking about how we could so easily explain the gospel to another 20 something year old/ adult, but explaining the gospel to a 2 year old is a whole different story.  I need all the wisdom and help that I can get in this area and I am so thankful that God has provided great friends, family, and resources (like the Bible) to help us along the way :)

My Weaknesses

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Recently I've been thinking about the above verse.  Paul says that if he is going to boast at all, it will be in his weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 11:30)  Doesn't that seem crazy?  Who boasts in the areas they are weak in?  To me that's like putting up a super ugly picture of yourself on Facebook.  Or when catching up with a friend telling them about all the failures you've experienced in the past year.  I'm not sure about you, but that's not usually the first thing I bring up in a conversation.


A definition of boasting is to "Talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities."  Paul completely flips this definition upside down.  He does the total opposite, boasting in areas he is not good at, that he has failed, and where he can't do it on his own.

I am most likely going to go through situations that not only make me feel weak and helpless, but also make me appear weak as well.  Paul mentions that he was insulted, experienced persecution, hardship, and difficulties.  That's kind of a hard pill to swallow.  I don't want to appear weak, I want to appear like I have it all together.  I have mistakenly thought that maybe if people see that my life is put together, they will want to be a Christian because they will see how great I am making it look.  Oh, the lies I believe.  Claiming to be a Christian means the exact opposite- I have nothing together and daily need to rely on God.

I think it's good to note also here that that Paul's discussion of weakness is not centered on sin because Romans 6:12 tells us to put sin to death.  We are not to be ok with sin.  But we are to be content, even boast as Paul does, in the moments we feel weak. 

Why?  Because that is when God is most glorified because His power rests on me.  That is when I am humbled, having admitted that I need God's help and surrendered to my own abilities.

As Christians, we're pretty much guaranteed to be weak.  In 1 Corinthians 1 we are told that when we were called, we weren't wise, powerful, or noble.  God specifically chose the foolish, the weak, the low, the despised of this world to shame the strong SO THAT we would boast in God.  God didn't pick us to be a light in this world because we were awesome.  In fact we were the complete opposite.

Really the whole story of the Bible is about being weak.  We're not good enough.  We're sinful.  God had to send his Son to die to take away our sins.  We can't do it on our own.  I'm too weak.  This circumstance is too difficult for me to handle alone.

Yet I need to learn that that's when I am in the BEST place.  The perfect place, really.  Because I'm not rejoicing in my perfect checklist that I acomplished for the day, or the way my life plans are prefectly coming together, or basically, how self sufficient I am.  Most likely I'm a little terrified, feel inadequate, very unsure, and totally relient on God.  

If you want to hear a great story about a couple who boasts in their weaknesses, you should read this :)  

Seven

A couple weeks ago Dan and I were praying about some decisions and Dan brought up the idea of doing a fast.  Now, before you call my doctor on me, don't worry, our fast was not a typical "food fast."  We decided to do a media fast.  I said goodbye to blogging, pinterest, facebook, mindless internet browsing, twitter, tv, radio... trust me there were a LOT of things we could give up in the media realm to allow us to focus on prayer and seeking God.  Then, in our couples study that week we came to the part in the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus talked about fasting, and then a friend in my other Bible Study gave me a book called, "7, An Experimental Mutiny against Excess" by Jen Hatmaker which focused on fasting (without even knowing we were thinking about this).  Something told me this fast was something that God wanted me to do, and this book really showed me the importance of fasting.

Before I talk about this book, I do have to give some disclaimers.  I can't say that I 100% agree with everything in her book.  I believe there were some harsh judgments made about the church, and that at times she pushed her own "agenda" without biblical support.  Unfortunately, at other times, I felt some of the biblical support that was used, was manipulated in such a way to support her agenda.  Now, I know those things sound bad, however, while I felt it necessary to include those disclaimers, I did feel this book challenged me in a way that I needed to be challenged and she did make me look at the importance of fasting in a new light.

Here's the premise of the book: for 7 months she fasts from 7 different things: clothes, shopping, waste, food, possessions, media, and stress.  There are things that stood out to me from each chapter, but here are just a couple:

FOOD

Her first chapter was really convicting for me.  Hatmaker chose to eat only 7 foods for a whole month, and it really opened her eyes to how she thought about food.  As a result, it got me thinking about how I really need to pay more attention of the type of food that enters my body.  While Dan and I don't have the room in our budget to start shopping at Whole Foods and buying purely organic, I do have the ability to watch how much processed food I eat.  Hatmaker says, "I haven't had a glass of orange juice in four years, but I've had no problem drinking Diet Coke, with substantiated links to cancer and kidney failure.  But it's fat free.  My nutritional perspective is so tainted by marketing I've lost touch with common sense." pg. 38. Ouch.  I can relate all too much to this.  Focusing purely on calories and not on nutritional value is not healthy or smart. 

POSSESSIONS

Another thing to note about this book is that it is written in the form of a journal, and some of the things she writes are downright hilarious and literally made me laugh out loud.  Like this comment made in her chapter on possessions regarding getting rid of excess items in her home: "And don't get me started on blankets.  I am uptohere with blankets.  It's not like we live in the frozen tundra or don't enjoy a $250+ month electric habit.  We are not the Ingalls living in the Big Woods while our children, Caroline, Laura, and Mary, huddle together for warmth.  I should invite Michael Jackson's son, Blanket, to live here among his own kind." pg. 78

On a more serious note, she also comments how, "Although my stuff is decreasing, what matters is increasing in equal measure."  pg. 61.  Since it is Lent and typically Christians tend to "give up" something for 40 days, I have received multiple devotionals on fasting.  Anne Voskamp makes a similar comment when she says, "I need empty places so He can fill me...fasting is letting go of more of the world, to lay more hold of God."

At one point Hatmaker explains what she would tell "the 2004 Jen;" she says that she would drive around with her "2004 Jen" to all the extravagant neighborhoods in Austin with their meticulous landscaping and beautifully groomed women with killer wardrobes and perfect bodies, and tell her "This is all meaningless: substitute happiness.  This vicious trap will capture you with no mercy if you get too close.... I would assure her that this affluent lifestyle is a horrible goal.. and that she would be stunned where true happiness actually comes from."  pg. 107

MEDIA

Hatmaker shares some interesting statistics regarding media and how we struggle with focusing on one task for more than 20 minutes without checking our email or twitter, etc.  While I found the statistics she shared pretty interesting, something else she shared really hit me: "I'm just beginning to embrace the liberation that only exists at the bottom, where I have nothing to defend, nothing to protect.  Where it doesn't matter if I'm right or esteemed..I wonder if that's the freedom Jesus meant when He said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  In order for Jesus' kingdom to come, my kingdom will have to go, and for the first time I think I'm okay with that." pg. 109

It seems like getting rid of our agenda and stuff allows us to more clearly see Jesus.  

SPENDING

For me, one of the most thought provoking and challenging things said in her book was this: "What Jesus says about the wealthy is that it is terribly hard for "us" to receive the Kingdom.  If this is true, then more than fearing poverty, we should fear prosperity." pg. 159 I can honestly say that while I have feared the thought of not having enough money or stuff, I have never feared becoming too rich that it would negatively effect my relationship with God.

STRESS

In this chapter she really advocates for building a Sabbath into our schedule.  I can't argue with her when she says that the average American is really busy, and we don't stop.  We keep filling our calendars and racing from one activity to the next.  Most of our days we are trying to keep the wheels on and not living in the moment.  pg. 180

In conclusion, she advocates the practice of fasting because it changes you.  "It helps you develop mastery over competing voices in our heads that urge us toward more.  Believe it or not, God can still change us... and not just change our habits, but our hearts." pg. 219.  While she fasted for 7 months on 7 different things and I only fasted for one week... on one thing, I can say I can already agree with this statement.  Just a week of "giving something up" for God already drew me closer to Him.  As Christians we have to remember that Jesus says in the Sermon on the Mount "When you fast..." not "Try to fast" or "If you can squeeze it in this is good for you to do.."  He is assuming we are fasting.  And for someone who doesn't fast, this was really convicting.

Isn't it Ironic?

Is it ironic that by being an internet busy body I found an article that convicted me of that very sin - being an internet busy body? 

Most of you may say, "Surprise, surprise- for years I have said that Facebook is a time waster."  Yet I always tend to defend my hour or more internet browsing sessions by saying that I read a lot of devotionals and Christian blogs.  I'm not just gawking at Facebook or reading the latest gossip on Kim Kardashian (I get that by simply reading the covers of magazines when I'm checking out at Jewel), I'm reading articles that increase my faith and help me be a better homemaker, friend, and wife.  Or at least that's what I've been telling myself. Until recently I read this quote:

Sin is giving in to the temptation to be a busy-body by giving my attention to worthless and sometimes meaningless information that swirls around in my head, taking up mind and heart space that should be occupied by prayers and purpose.

In this internet age there is SO much information.  Tons of it.  Tons of great articles, great blogs, great insights.  Yet, at what point do I stop gathering information and start acting on it?  At what point does my internet Christian reading actually become a time waster because I'm not spending my time the way God wants me to.  What if God would rather me walk away from my computer and actually start living out my faith, whether it be serving my husband better, or writing a note to a friend, or talking directly to Him through pray rather than just reading about Him all the time?

During these past couple years of being a "blogger," I have found many blogs written by godly women who share what the Lord is doing in their life.   And can I be completely honest with you?  Recently I have found myself sharing more about what God is teaching other people and how interesting I find it to be, than what God is actually teaching me. That is pretty painful to admit.

On one hand I love sharing helpful articles and blogs written by other people and my hope is that people read them and are encouraged.  On the other hand, normally what I share just stimulated my thinking for about 5 minutes and that was it.  Very rarely do I take to heart what they are saying because I quickly find another godly article that stimulates my faith in a different way and soon enough I've forgotten the previous thought.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is a lot of great wisdom flowing into my mind from other blogs but I'm not sure how these things are actually changing my life.  I don't see a lot of the wisdom that I am reading about impacting how I actually live out my life for God.  And, I'm pretty sure it's because I'm an internet busy body.  Moving from one spiritual insight to the next.

So, here's what I've decided.  To keep myself in check, I'm going to wait sharing whatever it is that I find on line, until I have really taken in the information.  Until I have prayed about what God wanted to teach me through that article or blog.  Until I am seeing some type of fruit from what the other person shared. This doesn't mean I can never again mention an interesting article or blog that I found as an aside (that would just be silly).  And I am certainly not saying this is what everyone needs to do before they share an article.   But, right now, where I am, it is what I  need to do to keep myself in check.  I've seen my sin, I've repented, and I'm turning in a different direction.  This is me turning :)

A different outlook on the New Year

I read this quote here and had to share it with you.

Last night in our Bible study we talked about our "If Only's" and things that we put our hope in.  Quickly the conversation turned to a different topic: our fulfilled hopes.  We all realized that when our hopes were fulfilled, they were soon replaced with other hopes, showing us that our previous "hopes" were not satisfying.  (How's that for 3 "hopes" in a sentence?!)  Once our desires were met, we moved onto the next one.  Oh, how I've seen this pattern in my life.  Just 4 years ago in 2008 I was dying to have a ring on my finger.  Once that happened, I was dying to get married, then it was paying off, debt... what's next?  While I have loved being married to Daniel, he ultimately will not fulfill all of my needs.  I think he likes that pressure taken off him, too ;)

In the book "Keep A Quiet Heart," Elisabeth Elliot encourages us to focus on the most important of New Year's hopes:

“Will the young woman find a mate? Will the couple have a child? Maybe this year will be the year of desire fulfilled. Perhaps, on the other hand, it will be the year of desire radically transformed, the year of finding, as we have perhaps not yet truly found, Christ to be the All-Sufficient One, Christ the ‘deep sweet well of Love’”

This year I desire for one hope: to know Christ and to be found in Him.

New beginnings

There is something I love so much about starting a new journal.  Not only because I like buying new things, but because I anticipate the time when I can go back and read through what God has been doing in my life for the past couple months.

This last journal I had for a whole YEAR.  I think that's a record in my journaling life.  I mean, this journal was big- really big. It didn't fit in my purse, and when I took notes in church I'm pretty sure people would do a double take, or I just assumed if people looked in my direction they were staring at my journal, but either way I was self conscious about it in public.

It actually took me a couple days to go through my journal when I was done.  I'm one of those people who goes back and writes a table of context at the beginning so if I ever need to see notes I took on a certain subject or book I can find it easily.  Come to think of it, I may be the only person I know who does that.  Anyway, the reason why I write in journals is so I can look back and see what God is doing in my life, so I like to keep it organized :)

If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll probably remember when Dan and I wrestled through our decision to continue serving in Jr High  or take a break as our classes at Trinity picked up.  I also read through the quotes that I wrote down from Shauna Niequist's books Cold tangerines & Bittersweet as I got completely lost in those last summer.  Her writing is SO real and raw and I loved every second of it.  If I ever have a quiet moment at home I still sneak those books off my shelf and read a couple stories.  There is something about her writing that connects with me and I love that :)

Because of her love for Michigan and the fact that we got a new camera last year, Dan and I took a trip over Labor Day last year to South Haven and I loved reading about our trip in my journal and the time that we spent with the Lord at their cute coffee shops.

I also really enjoyed looking over the notes I took from all the books I read.  Some of my favorites from this past year were: 

Humility

Just Do Something

When People are Big and God is Small

Think

Forgotten God

Each of these books met me right where I needed to be- whether it was my struggles with people pleasing or Dan and I wrestling with big life decisions, I was so thankful that in between all the reading we have for our classes I was able to get away and read some "less academic" books :)

I also came across journal entries from our Trip to Florida and loved how every single journal entry started off with "Lord I am just so thankful ..." God has been really good to us.

And lastly, a huge chunk of my journal was devoted to all the notes I took at the Gospel Coalition.  We were so so thankful that we could go, and I learned a ton from all of the speakers and breakout sessions.  Those are definitely sections of my journal that I will be looking back on in the future!

So thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me :)  It honestly warms my heart to look back and read about how God has blessed us this past "journal year" and what He has taught us.  I know there are going to be journals in my life that are more painful to look back on- ones where my prayers are dry and I seem to just be asking God "Why is this happening" or "Why is this not working out," but for now I will continue to praise God through the blessings that He has given us- and use these journals to remember His goodness and mercy.

Thoughts on Thoughts

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phil 4:8

So I've been thinking a lot lately.  I mean, I'm always thinking, but lately I've been thinking about what I'm thinking about. 

I've learned in these past couple years that my thoughts can make me anxious.  If Dan doesn't call me back right away, 30 seconds later, before I even know it, I'm envisioning him in some horrible car accident.  Crazy?  Yes.  Unfortunately, my mind goes there, and it goes there way too quickly. 

So how do I not go there?  Well, in Philippians Paul talks about combating anxiousness by praying and allowing the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds.

Then, he advises us to think about certain things: 

Honorable things. 

Just things.

Lovely things. 

Pure things. 

Commendable things.

Excellent things. 

Praiseworthy things.

Ok, so what now.  I tell myself to stop thinking negative things and start thinking about these specific things?

Yes, yes you do.  Why?  Because in verse 9 it says practice these things and the peace of God will be with you.

A question posed in my Bible study, The Upside Down series, encouraged me to think about how my life would be different if I focused on eternity throughout the day.  Let me tell you, my list was long.  Real long. Probably too long.

I wouldn't sweat the small stuff and I would have a big picture.

I'd live for an audience of one and stop people pleasing.

I'd drive slower, eat slower... do everything slower.

I'd pray much more.

I would focus on people more and tasks less. 

etc. etc. etc.

Bottom line: Changing my thinking will change my actions.  What we think about and how we think is extremely powerful.  More powerful than I realized.  And how do I change the way I think?  Practice and discipline, with the help of the Holy Spirit.  Refocusing my mind on what is important, praying for a changed heart, and trusting my actions will follow.  It's amazing how much less stress I put on myself when I refocus on eternity.

Playing Catch Up

Since we were gone for a couple days and didn't have access to internet (I had used 95% of my data plan with 5 days left in the month!  I will think twice before using my phone as a GPS device driving to West Lafayette).  Anyway, while it was good to be away, there have been some fun things I have enjoyed reading lately so I wanted to share them with you.

Rightfully so, this mom posts pictures almost everyday of her adorable little girl.  And she seriously is one of the most adorable babies I have ever seen. I love that I can enjoy her cuteness but not have to change her diaper.

Recently Campus Crusade for Christ has had a name change and it has caused a LOT of controversy.  I thought John Piper wrote a great post about it, and obviously, because CCC holds a special place in my heart, I wanted to share it with you.

I have officially jumped on the Adele bandwagon.  Yes, I know, I'm rather late.  But K Love keeps me in a music bubble, okay?  This song in particular has been on repeat for me at work.

I adore this skirt.  Most likely I'll buy it on sale- in the fall- and then it will be out of style by next summer, when I can wear it. *sigh*

Recently I have been challenged by Courtney to evaluate what role media plays in my life.  Since Dan and I got rid of cable (and the storm have taken out ALL of our channels.. even the basic ones) I tend to think that I'm ok in the "time waster" department, but the reality is that blogging/ social media stuff can take up a lot of my time.  She has been posting  weekly posts about the media and how we can make sure it doesn't interfere with our walk with the Lord.

Unexpected Encounter

More and more these days I am seeing evidence of God's grace in my life.  While to some people these encounters may seem small, to me they are much needed reminders that God is still working.  He still has a plan for us even though we can't see it.  He is still leading us even though the path isn't clear cut.  He hasn't left us.

Last night we spent some time with a couple who is in a similar place that we are... just 7 years down the road.  This couple has held tightly to God through a long period of waiting and I couldn't help but feel so encouraged by them as they shared their journey.

No matter how long we have to wait on anything in our future- jobs, homes, school, debt, kids- I desperately hope that we would cling to God and that He would change us.  On a small scale we are starting to enter a season of waiting, and my prayer is that it would not be spent in vain, but would be a time where we grow closer to God, and experience Him more deeply, and bring glory to Him in the process.

As you know, I'm not good at being still.  Waiting well is a continual learning process for me.  Just yesterday I found myself being enticed by ideas for our future- ideas that only seemed enticing for financial reasons, not God reasons.

That's why meeting with this couple last night was a divine appointment. They showed Dan and I what it looks like to wait well.  They have every reason to look at some situations in their life and be down right angry.  But, instead of forging ahead on their own and creating something that isn't meant to be, they are waiting.  They are diligently following the call that God has showed them.

And you know what?  Even though they're not seeing the fruits of their labor, Dan and I are.  They are blessing Dan and I without even knowing it.  Everything they are hoping and praying for is in limbo, but God is still using them now.... while they are waiting.  

That was *so* important for me to see.

Last night was just what I needed. I'm so thankful for how God uses the body of Christ to comfort, teach, and minister to us.

Short and Sweet

At times I can be on information overload.  While it's a blessing that the internet provides so many insightful articles, blog posts, devotionals, etc., at times it can be overwhelming and I wonder if I'm actually processing all the information and allowing it to change my life.

The other day I was listening to Hillsong on Youtube and came upon this short clip.  They just repeated the following words. I think that's why this song was so refreshing.

 Just one sentence.  But it's packed with so much truth.

Hope you have a great weekend :)

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Examining my motivation

I've noticed there is a huge difference between doing something because we're loved (with that being our motivation) as opposed to doing something in order to be loved.  

In my marriage, when I do something nice for Dan (which obviously is a daily occurrence... haha I wish I was that selfless.  It's much more accurate to say that it SHOULD be a daily occurrence), if I do it with the motivation of expecting a certain reaction or to receive something in return,  I am anxiously waiting for that response.  If I don't get that 'said reaction', it can lead to disappointment.  

On the other hand, if I do something for him simply because he's my husband and I love him (no hidden agenda), I have no expectations.  I actually enjoy the "serving him part," as opposed to only anticipating his reaction.  I've realized serving in that way is MUCH more freeing and actually more biblical.

Below is a great description [from here] of the difference between doing something in order to be loved by God, as opposed to doing something because we're loved by God.   I found the difference to be quite surprising.

Because I am loved, I can humble myself.

When I’m trying to be loved, I must build myself up to look better.

Because I am loved, I can cast all my anxiety on Him.

When I’m trying to be loved, I cast all my anxiety on my performance.

Because I am loved, I can resist Satan and stand firm in my faith.

When I’m trying to be loved, I listen to Satan and stand uncertain trying to rely on my feelings.

Because I am loved, I know God will use this to make me stronger – and I want that.

When I’m trying to be loved, I don’t want to be made stronger – I want life to be easier.

Reality Check

One of my dear college friends, Ella, (who just got married!) mentioned this blog on facebook and I got sucked into reading it for a good half hour one weekend.  Her honesty and transparency was refreshing and at times down right hilarious.

Her husband wrote the following below and it really got me thinking about what "occasional sins" am I not repenting of?  What do I brush off like it's no big deal when in reality there is a much deeper reason living beneath that thought or action and I frankly just don't want to dig deep enough to figure out what that is.  Because it gets messy.  And it requires being vulnerable.   And I think too highly of myself to want to believe anything else.

I hope this quote gets you thinking... like it did me... about what "occasional sins" I need to take a good look at.

"Through this painful process of having everything taken away, I was able to understand that the Gospel is not just a hurdle in the beginning:  It’s everything.  The gospel is applicable to my life 24/7.  I am jacked up beyond what I can comprehend.  The only way I’m saved is through faith and hope in the Cross.  I realized that during the time I was a “super Christian,” the reality was, that behind closed doors, I actually was occasionally looking at porn, occasionally flirting with other women, occasionally drinking too much, occasionally not being honest with my wife, and occasionally doing a ton of other crap that I let no one know about. All of my “occasional sin” became a lifestyle of sin that held me captive. The sad thing is that I had all the resources to get help at my fingertips (friends, accountability, church), but was too prideful to tell the truth and let people see my sin. That was my main hindrance...what would everyone think of me if they knew who I really was?"

Hungry for God

Last night at Bible study Lina discussed "Hunger for God" and quoted C.S. Lewis from his Sermon "The Weight of Glory."  You may have heard it before, but it definitely made me think about the joy that is offered to us- and how much I still seek other things to fulfill me.

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Also, my boss and I have discussed the Rob Bell controversy and he found a good review from someone who has already read the book and passed it along to me.  I figured I would share it with you since I have posted some other information about it.  You can find the review here.

Blogs

Things I've been reading lately . . .

I love this blog - it is one that I visit every day, and they have such great advice.  In the midst of the crazy holiday season coming up, I found this piece of advice very helpf ul :)

Kevin DeYoung is pretty great.  Here he explains some great advice given by Ed Welch about counseling.

And who doesn't struggle with people pleasing to some extent?!  Of course some of us struggle with it more than others . . . but I LOVE Lina's explanation of our culture and people pleasing in her blog post.

On a cooking note . . . I made this recipe and absolutely loved it!  But, note that if you are making it for only you and one other person... you may be eating it for a while (I made it Sunday and we have had it every night this week for dinner . . . and probably don't plan on stopping for a couple more days.  I have such a great husband that is so thankful with anything... let alone chili for 7 days in a row lol)  At least we like it!

Annnnd on a girly note . . . I have always wanted to be daring and do something like this but never have . . . maybe I'll be risky some time and try to pull it off :)

Happy Wednesday!

Waiting...

This is a good truth for me today :)  Happy Tuesday.

"What God does in our lives while we're waiting is often more important than the thing we think we're waiting for"- Erwin Lutzer

Death is not Dying

This weekend we were back in Ohio to celebrate more wedding festivities! While there was a lot of driving involved and family and friends to see, I couldn't help but be captivated by a particular person that I met- Kylie's Aunt Vicky. Kylie has talked about her a lot and the impact she has made on her life, but man, have you ever met one of those people that are just totally living their life not for this world? Or someone who radiates a humble and thankful spirit? This was Kylie's Aunt Vicky. You can identify these people right away because they are so not like this world. Meeting people like that puts life back in perspective. They remind me WHO really makes us beautiful and what this life is really all about.

Another person really impacted me this weekend. Her name is Rachel. Unfortunately, she died a year ago, so I didn't get a chance to meet her. But, I am very thankful that Moody radio decided to air a talk that Rachel gave 4 months before she died (last March). As I was driving to meet Dan on Friday, K Love was playing their usual reruns so I was flipping through the radio to find something worth listening to when I landed on Moody radio that was airing a talk that Rachel was giving to her church. Since I caught it half way through, I decided to listen to the rest of it this morning. Diagnosed with bone cancer at 37 years old, she was told she had about 6 weeks to live. Her church asked her to give a talk to about 40 women, but 600 ended up coming to hear what she had to say. Her boldness to share the gospel and talk about eternity amidst leaving her husband and two small children behind was one of the most impactful talks I have heard in a while. If you have some time I would highly recommend listening to it here.

The Unit

I love mornings. One of the things I have loved most about house/ cat sitting this week is they have HUGE bay windows and in the morning when Dan and I are reading the sunrise comes through and i just l.o.v.e. it!

It's hard for me not to think about the full day awaiting me: drop off keys to other "house sitter," doctor's appt, rushing to my sneak preview at work (that I'll already be late for), trying to get our luggage bag under 50 lbs before we get to the airport, get to the airport, fly to Ft. Lauderdale, sleeeeep. Seeing as yesterday for us wasn't more restful, it is going to make laying on the beach that much better :)

But for now, in the stillness of this morning, my only agenda is to sit, drink my coffee, and meet with our Lord. As I'm going through Proverbs, chapter 3 talks about the benefits of getting wisdom and understanding, saying

• Its profit is better than gold, gain better than silver
• more precious than jewels
• her paths are peaceful
• those who have her are called blessed
• with wisdom you will walk secure, your foot will not stumble
• the wise will inherit honor
• nothing can compare with her (wisdom)

Those are some serious promises from the Bible.

Dan and I have been watching "The Unit" while housesitting. They have this sweet t.v. and all these DVDs but for some reason the first night we got hooked on this series and have watched it every night. President Palmer/ the Allstate guy/ I don't remember his real name... whoever he is, he's the head of their unit, and I would say is portrayed as someone who's got a lot of wisdom. I know Biblical wisdom and worldly wisdom are two very different things, but there are many similarities between how they portray "President Palmer's" character and the ideas here in Proverbs 3. He is respected and held in high honor. His team trusts him. The captain trusts him because he knows he is wise and will make the right decisions. As a result, he is given more responsibility. He is humble- not worried about getting the recognition but getting the job done. His team wants to be under his leadership and if given other opportunities choose to stay with him.

I could probably go on and on... we've watched 8 episodes already! But, when I read this and thought about the character of "President Palmer," I could see why Solomon was urging us to seek wisdom and understanding, because nothing you desire can compare with her. If you seek these things, you will be used by God. He sees your heart and your character, and if you desire these things more than this world, He will use you- in your workplace, in your marriage, with your friends, etc. And they will notice. You can't help but notice. It's like John Wooden- when you are pursuing something greater than this world, you will inspire greatness in other people. When we understand who God is and seek to gain wisdom about His plan for us in this temporary place, we will be blessed. That's a promise.

John Wooden

There has been SO much going on these last few weeks that I don't even know where to start... I figured once I get pictures uploaded I will tell you about our fun adventures. So I figured I'd start with something God has shown me recently :) So the day before John Wooden passed away, Dan and I were watching the World Series for softball (Beth got us hooked when she visited :) and scrolling across the bottom of the screen were some details about John Wooden and how he was hospitalized and not doing well. As most people know, he passed away (2) Saturdays ago and it seemed like he was ALL over ESPN. Being the girl that I am, I asked Dan who he was and why he was everywhere! Dan filled me in on all of his major accomplishments at UCLA and what not, but what intrigued me the most was his character. I watched a couple interviews with him and was just in awe about how openly he talked about his faith, his "non" fear of death, and shared his poetry with these ESPN anchors. The next day I went on line, still thinking about him, to look up what he was all about, and was floored at all the articles about him. Here were some quotes I found:

"We see how his legend affected so many people. How he didn't just coach, he taught. He didn't yell or curse, he inspired."

"We will remember his selfless gifts, lesson, time, vision, faith, and patience."

"This was the passing of an incredible coach but an even better man."

"He cared more about his players success as a person- not player."

"Lived a life filled with integrity, faith, and humility."

"Known for his love for God, wife, leadership... he was humble and genuine."

"For those few minutes interviewing him, my day slowed down and I knew I was in the presence of greatness."

"He talked about faith. He said he wanted God to say 'Well done.'"

I seriously was floored by the legacy he left. Who wouldn't want to be remembered by all of that? What amazed me even more was that there were so many people who met him only once for a half an hour, and they said that half an hour changed their life. Why were people drawn to him? God. He lived a supernatural life- that is why so many people were changed in his presence. He didn't trust in this world for happiness (having lost his wife in '85, he knew this world would not satisfy)- he wasn't content with this world, he was content in his faith and with God.

John said " Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely who others think you are."

Lastly, I found this poem that he wrote, and thought it showed his true character.

"The years have left an imprint on my hands and on my face.

Erect no longer is my walk and slower is my pace.

But there is no fear within my heart because I'm growing old.

I only wish I had more time to better serve my Lord.

But I've gone to human prayer, he has brought me inner peace.

And soon my cares and problems and other worries cease.

He's helped me in so many ways and never let me down,

why should I fear the future when soon I could be near his crown?

Though I know down here my time is short, there's endless time up there,

That He will forgive and Keep me in His ever loving care."

What a great inspiration. I only hope to leave a legacy as great as his.