She laughs

Fear and worry is a funny thing I'm learning these days.  Recently I have a dear friend who is going through a similar time that I did a couple years ago.  I've been going through the verses I clung to during that difficult time and listening to some of the worship songs that really helped get me through some of the tough days, and God is teaching me a lot about my present days and how blessed I am.  How I have two healthy boys, a wonderful husband, a baby (toddler) on the way from China, I get to do something I love and am passionate about (photography), Dan is blessed with a great job and we have wonderful friends.  Life isn't perfect, but I have MUCH to be thankful for.  YET, I am prone to worry.  I am prone to fear.  I find myself in the middle of the night when I am up late with Cole struck with worry about what could happen.  I actually worry because things are going "so well" that something is bound to happen soon that won't be good.  Because isn't that just how it's supposed to go?

It's silly, really.  Kind of ridiculous at times.  Just enjoy the present, I tell myself.  But then fear and worry creeps in.  Yet God has been so good to remind me of actually some of the verses that got me through that difficult time- about how the Proverbs 31 woman can laugh at the days to come.  Laughing at the days to come means I am not worrying or fearful about tomorrow or the "what ifs" or  "what could be."  Because you know what.  They are going to come.  That's reality.  I don't know the specifics of what the trials will look like in front of me but that is life.  We aren't promised an easy road, because we don't live in a perfect world.  That's to come soon, but not yet.  So until then I can cling to God- like He says in Psalm 112:17 "They do not fear bad news but they confidently trust in the Lord to take care of them."  God is so good to remind me that I don't need to have worry or fear because God promises to take care of me when they come.  So I can simply enjoy the present and look back on the pictures below with enjoyment for the sweet times he gave us :)

**As a disclaimer these photos are from almost two months ago (eek!) I'm that behind on photos!  Cole's hair is so long! lol

Winter and a Good Reminder

 

"Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy grace."

- Robert Robinson

 

At the beginning of this year we had another miscarriage. 

 

It wasn't like our last miscarriage.  As soon as I got my numbers back from the second blood test we knew I was going to miscarry.  But man, the hope.  That's the hardest part.  I had hope and excitement that we would be expanding our family by 3 kiddos now and not just 2 (speaking of Jake and our little adopted child :). 

Up until this point Dan and I really have been at peace with our infertility.  And I honestly wasn't expecting to get pregnant- it just hasn't been on my mind.  And then those two lines came out of nowhere saying we were pregnant and it totally threw everything off.  If I'm being totally honest my first reaction as I was crying after the phone call from the doctor was, "Why, God?  Why even let this happen?  What is the point?  We were totally fine and at peace with where You have us, so why did we need to have this come up?"

 

And God answered as I read through all the verses, lyrics, and quotes that God has given me over the past two years since our last miscarriage and our season of infertility.  He reminded me that in this life we will have trouble (John 16:33) and He reminded me that we shouldn't be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes to test us (1 Peter 4:12).

 

And once again, He reminded me that this isn't he way the world was supposed to be.  In this world we weren't supposed to struggle with infertility, miscarriages, cancer, disease, brokenness, death.  God's perfect plan didn't include sin.  And yet God grieves with us when we suffer through these things.  And He promises us that He will use these trials for something greater than we can imagine if we let Him.  That He can redeem our brokenness and turn it into something beautiful.

 

He promises us that He will use our trials to strengthen us (James 1:2) and that He is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

He tells us that this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:16-17) and that after a season of suffering He will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us. (1 Peter 5:10)
 

He says that even when we don't understand or can't see, we can trust that He will work all things together for our good. (Romans 8:28)

And He tells us that through the hard times He will be our peace (Micah 6:6).  His steadfast love never ceases.  That His mercies are still new every morning, and that He is good to those who wait for Him and seek Him. (Lamentations 3:21)

 

Our lives are messy and we are broken and let's face it, we need a Savior.  This miscarriage has stood as a faithful reminder that He does use our difficult times for good.  That He still has a plan amidst the unknown.  And that we can trust Him even when we can't see. I am so thankful for God's promises and have been praying that God would allow me to see His goodness even through the hard and confusing times. 

Christmas {for real}

This year we traveled to Ohio again to spend Christmas with our families :)  It can be busy traveling, but at the end of the day, we are so thankful.  So thankful to have family in town from Colorado and California (and even more coming from Indiana and Pennsylvania later!) so thankful for the hospitality our families show us, so thankful for the way they shower us with more than we deserve, treat us to wonderful meals, and are so flexible with our little guy.

One of the She Reads Truth devos talked about Jesus and how he came to serve.  Her hope for us was this:

As we navigate the Christmas season with our friends, loves, bosses, employees, and all those tired checkout clerks, let's remember the leadership of Christ.  Tread humbly, quietly, and with the heart of a servant. 

I loved this, and my prayer this Christmas season is that I personally, would lower my expectations of what the perfect Christmas would be like, walk humbly and with a servant heart, and focus on what is most important- having a heart like Jesus.  The one that this whole day is all about.  I pray that you had a wonderful Christmas :)