Needless to say everything started great but went down hill quickly. I was that parent. The one you either felt bad for or judged as a bad mom from afar. I can say this because (sadly) I have done both to other parents. With every resounding "no" that came from my mouth Jake decided to throw his body on the floor and start crying. "No Jake you can't take that lady's drink. No you can't take that Sprite from the vendor. No you can't go down the escalator... Or in the men's bathroom... Or through that gate." Jake is a curious kid that gets frustrated easyily when he can't do what he wants and since he's a baby, he expresses that frustration in the form of a temper tantrum: screaming and arching his back. And an airport is such exciting new territory for the little guy that hearing mom stop him from exploring was devastating. I get it. For a one year old that's hard.
But we're not done. Our flight started out being delayed to 7:30pm. No big deal I thought. Maybe that 15 minutes will be better because it's later so Jake will fall asleep on the plane sooner. Oh the irony of that last sentence. Jake sure did fall asleep. After 7 hours of being in the airport and numerous delays and gate changes, 10:30 at night, right as we started boarding, is when Jake fell asleep. I seriously think every single person on our flight to Syracuse breathed a sigh of relief. When we finally made it to our baggage claim at 2:00 am I almost fell to my knees as I handed Jake off to Dan. (Yes poor Dan was stuck at the airport waiting for us as well)
This was quite the humbling experience. God knocked down my pride on more than one occasion these past couple days. I try to come across as the "cool, chill mom" and even told my friend that flights aren't really a big deal to me. Even if Jake is bad for 2 hours on the flight it's just 2 hours I would tell people. I can handle it. Well, on Saturday I almost lost it. There were multiple occasions I needed to hold back tears because I was about ready to fling my body on the ground and start crying right along with Jake.
Looking back though, God seriously was good to me. He used multiple people to show me that I don't have to be that mom that has it all together and doesn't need any help. Literally on 5 separate occasions someone offered to carry my stroller up and down stairs, through the gate, or even set it up for me after the flight so I could put Jake in it. The sweet lady next to me on the flight let Jake put his feet on her as he slept and let me share her tray table so I could get a diet coke. The guy at curbside check in watched Jake as I weighed our 74 pound bag (yes.. 74 pounds) and checked our pack n play and car seat. Someone got a maintenance worker for me when Jake dropped his smoothie on the ground and it spilled everywhere... in the middle of what seemed like hundreds of people rushing to get to their flight. And what was even more appreciative were the people who said numerous times, "I understand.... you're doing great."
My people pleasing has been taken to a whole new level as a mom. I so desperately wanted to appear like that put together mom at the airport who is organized and calm. She planned ahead and has plenty of toys for her child to play with so her son never gets upset and she even has time to pick up a Starbucks. I don't know what world I imagined myself in but it wasn't reality. To many people I most likely appeared frazzled, worn out, tired, and at the end of my rope. Not the ideal mom that I pictured above. But as God continuously teaches me, my focus as a mom is not on other people and what they think of me. My job is to be a mom to Jake and to be patient with him. To put myself in his shoes as a little guy who's in a new place, hasn't slept in his own bed in a couple days, who is tired and just wants to run around.
God's changing my heart. Sometimes it takes 7 hours in an airport into the wee hours of the night, but He's changing me and sanctifying me and ultimately it is good. It's hard in the process, but thankfully God is true to His promise when He says "God opposes the proud." Lord help me to be a humble mom who realizes just how inadequate she is and how much she needs You in her life.
But we're not done. Our flight started out being delayed to 7:30pm. No big deal I thought. Maybe that 15 minutes will be better because it's later so Jake will fall asleep on the plane sooner. Oh the irony of that last sentence. Jake sure did fall asleep. After 7 hours of being in the airport and numerous delays and gate changes, 10:30 at night, right as we started boarding, is when Jake fell asleep. I seriously think every single person on our flight to Syracuse breathed a sigh of relief. When we finally made it to our baggage claim at 2:00 am I almost fell to my knees as I handed Jake off to Dan. (Yes poor Dan was stuck at the airport waiting for us as well)
This was quite the humbling experience. God knocked down my pride on more than one occasion these past couple days. I try to come across as the "cool, chill mom" and even told my friend that flights aren't really a big deal to me. Even if Jake is bad for 2 hours on the flight it's just 2 hours I would tell people. I can handle it. Well, on Saturday I almost lost it. There were multiple occasions I needed to hold back tears because I was about ready to fling my body on the ground and start crying right along with Jake.
Looking back though, God seriously was good to me. He used multiple people to show me that I don't have to be that mom that has it all together and doesn't need any help. Literally on 5 separate occasions someone offered to carry my stroller up and down stairs, through the gate, or even set it up for me after the flight so I could put Jake in it. The sweet lady next to me on the flight let Jake put his feet on her as he slept and let me share her tray table so I could get a diet coke. The guy at curbside check in watched Jake as I weighed our 74 pound bag (yes.. 74 pounds) and checked our pack n play and car seat. Someone got a maintenance worker for me when Jake dropped his smoothie on the ground and it spilled everywhere... in the middle of what seemed like hundreds of people rushing to get to their flight. And what was even more appreciative were the people who said numerous times, "I understand.... you're doing great."
My people pleasing has been taken to a whole new level as a mom. I so desperately wanted to appear like that put together mom at the airport who is organized and calm. She planned ahead and has plenty of toys for her child to play with so her son never gets upset and she even has time to pick up a Starbucks. I don't know what world I imagined myself in but it wasn't reality. To many people I most likely appeared frazzled, worn out, tired, and at the end of my rope. Not the ideal mom that I pictured above. But as God continuously teaches me, my focus as a mom is not on other people and what they think of me. My job is to be a mom to Jake and to be patient with him. To put myself in his shoes as a little guy who's in a new place, hasn't slept in his own bed in a couple days, who is tired and just wants to run around.
God's changing my heart. Sometimes it takes 7 hours in an airport into the wee hours of the night, but He's changing me and sanctifying me and ultimately it is good. It's hard in the process, but thankfully God is true to His promise when He says "God opposes the proud." Lord help me to be a humble mom who realizes just how inadequate she is and how much she needs You in her life.
You are awesome and I love your heart. It's simply incredible how much God reveals about ourselves through these little boys. Such a blessing, even in the difficult times!
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