Jake's Dedication

First off, I cannot thank you all enough for your sweet, kind, and encouraging comments on our last post.  We seriously feel so loved and can tell people are praying for us.  So thank you thank you thank you.  We are so grateful and already feel comforted.

Before this tough week we had a great weekend.  My parents came into town for Jake's dedication and we painted and painted.. and painted some more.  My mom was the permanent babysitter (a much needed position.. there is no way I could have painted without her there!) and my dad helped teach Dan and I valuable painting lessons (as he was a pro in college and still is).  I didn't even tape the ceiling.  Just come on over and check out our trim.  You'll be amazed.

Anyway, I'll post house updates later.  This post is about Jake's dedication.  As I said in my  last post, more than ever Dan and I are aware of how Jake is just entrusted to us.  We are so thankful for him and have been reminded of what a precious gift he is.  Dan and I talked and searched scripture for a "verse" for him a couple months ago.  I heard of the idea I think on a blog and really liked it.  And, when we dedicated Jake our church asked that we pick out a verse for him.  So, this is our prayer for Jake.  That he would...

Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.

1 Samuel 12:24

This is our hope for Jake.  That no matter what he does or where life takes him, that he would know the Lord, serve Him, and recognize all the blessings God has given Him.  

So, here's some pictures from the dedication on Sunday :)

Count it all joy...

God has me in James in this season in my life, and is prompting me to memorize the whole book (eek!).  Scripture memory isn't something I'm good at and I have to read them over and over again, but it is in seasons of my life like right now that I am so thankful that God convicted me to do it.

I was hoping later this week to share exciting news.  News that I feel like we have been holding in forever- that Jake was going to be a big brother.  We found out in February we were pregnant with baby number 2, and while we were surprised to be pregnant so quickly, we were thrilled and so thankful.  I started thinking about my family and how close my brothers and I are in age and we were getting really excited at the idea of having a similar family with two kids close in age.  I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park, but that God would give me the strength to raise two young kids.

This pregnancy was a little different than the first one.  I felt more sick and tired in the beginning, and a couple friends even texted me that they had a dream I was pregnant (and I didn't even tell them!).  We were really excited and already planning for our little family of four in October.

Our first two ultrasounds were the same as Jake.  My placenta was on top so they couldn't hear the heart beat  at 10 weeks on the Doppler so I needed to get an ultrasound.  I didn't worry, because again, that happened with Jake and this time around was no different-  we happily saw our little baby and heard its racing heart beat.  It still amazing me every time that a human barely 1.5 inches long has a heart beat.

Our ultrasound on Monday was obviously different.  They couldn't find the heart beat with the Doppler monitor.  I honestly didn't think twice about it.  The doctor said my placenta felt fine and the baby was probably hiding.  I joked with the ultrasound technician that she was probably getting tired of seeing me as I sat down in the chair and told Jake to get excited that he was going to see his little brother or sister.  It was past his nap time so he was fussy and I was trying to keep him entertained as she started looking.  I saw on the screen what appeared to be a bigger baby than the last one so assumed everything was fine but her quietness told me otherwise.  I knew immediately there wasn't a heartbeat and she confirmed that for me.  13 weeks 5 days.  That's when the baby died.  Some time last week. 

I didn't know what to say so I just said "it's ok."  Obviously, it wasn't.  I think I was trying to tell myself it was fine so I wouldn't start bawling but that didn't help because the tears just started coming.  I was shocked.  I thought we were "in the clear" seeing as we were out of the first trimester.  Everything went fine with Jake, what happened this time?  What did I do wrong?  I honestly just wanted to leave but they needed to talk to me about everything I needed to do since the baby wouldn't pass naturally.

Yesterday I went in for my D&C and just like that I'm not pregnant anymore.  It's really surreal.  You tell family.  You change your whole mindset about your future.  And in a quick doctors appointment everything changes. 

We're really sad.  We're mostly sad we won't get to meet our little boy or girl on this earth.  I don't know why but I felt we were having a girl.  I mean, who really knows, but this pregnancy was different.  Dan and I would be thrilled either way, but it's thinking about things like that that make us sad.  Thinking about how at our next appointment we would find out the gender and throw a little party with our friends.   Thinking about how we were going to share that at 11 months Jake had a little brother or sister inside me that was 4 months old. 

But, like I said before there's a reason God has me in James.  The verse I just memorized was: "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  Dan and I can know that we can have joy during this trial because, if we're willing, it can increase our faith.  It's in moments like these that we have a choice.  The big question we have to ask is "What are we going to do with what we're going through?"  We can just be sad.  And don't get me wrong, we're sad.  We're upset, we're disappointed, and we're definitely wanting answers.  But if we just stay there we are missing out on something much more that God wants for us.

We are told in 1 Peter 4 that we shouldn't be surprised when we face trails as though something strange were happening to us.   And again in John 16:33 God reminds us that in this world you will face tribulation, but to take heart, because He has overcome the world.  Trials in this world shouldn't surprise us.  This world is sinful and fallen.  No one can deny that after what happened in our country last week.  That is why I am thankful that Christ came to save us from this ugly place and allow us to spend eternity in heaven.  Where everything will be perfect.  There will be no more tears.  No death, no miscarriage, no cancer, no sickness, no terrorist attacks.  However, until we are there, we will face trails here. 

I have been clinging to the fact that God uses our trials - they do not go to waste.  In Romans 8:28 God says that for those who love Him, He will work ALL things together for good.  And in Psalms 34 God says that He hears our cries for help and is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

I know these next few weeks won't be easy.  I am sure there will be good days and bad days.  But Dan and I know that all we can do is cling to God's Word and the truth that we know about Him.  I am more painfully aware than before that God just entrusts us with our children for only a period of time.  This child was never ours to begin with and neither is Jake.  I am not guaranteed a lifetime with any of our children but I want to cherish the gift that they are to me as long as Dan and I are entrusted with them.

Thanks so much for praying for us during this difficult time.  We already feel so comforted by your prayers, texts, emails, and phone calls. 

New Toy

Big things are happening over here... we got Jake a new toy!  We really don't buy Jake too much other than food.  For the first time the other day we had to buy some new pajamas for him, but how great is that?  He is almost a year old and we haven't had to purchase him too many necessities.  I know, you don't need to tell us.  We are seriously blessed. 

Anyway, I don't even know what the name of this toy is, but it has been a hit in our house ever since last Saturday when we brought it home from Babies R Us.  And you want to know one of the best thing about it?  There are over 100 songs on it.  So I'm not listening to the same song over and over again.  Don't get me wrong, I hear similar songs, but it's not like some of the other toys that have one song that play on repeat.  We actually first encountered this toy at Luke and Brittany's and Jake literally ran sweet Lizzy over as he was walking around pressing all the buttons because he was so excited.

Really, any toy that gives me a couple free minutes to clean, cook, or answer a work email is nice :)  When I hear the music I know he is playing safely and not putting some odd object in his mouth.  I have learned very quickly that "quietness" when Jake is awake is never a good thing. 

Happy Tuesday!

Jake found out early on that it moves if he pushes it.  It scared me a bit at first.. but he enjoys pushing it to different locations around the family room lol

This is serious business.

See?  Look how much fun he's having :)

Sugar update and a wagon ride

Happy Tuesday :)

It was SO nice outside yesterday.  As in I was actually somewhat breaking a sweat when I took Jake for a walk.  Today not so much :( blah.  There is hope though, right?

Anyway, it has been a week and a couple days since I embarked on my no sugar journey.  I think I forgot to put an important note in my first post about it, but I am giving myself the liberty one day a week to eat sweets.  No, this doesn't mean I go crazy and eat 10 cookies the second I wake up on that day.  It just means that I can enjoy a dessert on that day.  And enjoy a dessert I did on my day off :) 

We planned did a little "Sprinkle" for our friend Sara on Saturday, who is expecting their FOURTH baby!  I normally can pride myself on eating anything and it doesn't taste too rich or sweet, but let me tell you, I could taste the sugar and it was SWEET.  But I really enjoyed it and actually savored everything instead of just shoving it in my mouth... like I usually do :)

I think the main thing I've noticed about giving up sugar is that instead of reaching for the cookie or candy, I reach for the bananas or grapes.  That's what I SHOULD have been doing all along.  But, unfortunately I don't.  So, that is a big change and for the good :)  Smoothies have been a great substitute but I'm still working on the veggies.  Right now my favorite veggie recipe is homemade salsa.  I chop up tomatoes, onion, jalapeños, red pepper, lime, cilantro, and add a little garlic salt.  I may just make a HUGE batch of that and eat it everyday.  It's seriously so good!

And below, I have finally caught up on the old pictures from when I didn't have my computer.  These are from probably 2 months ago when it was sunny and 40 outside. We were so excited the weather was "warm" that we took Jake out for a walk in the wagon Dan's parents got him.  Oh and the first are just some random shots we took. lol

 

Easter Weekend

This past weekend we took a little road trip through Indiana and Ohio for Easter.  One of my sweet friends from college, Melissa, got married in Columbus so we drove there for their wedding.  However, to break up the trip (and to visit friends :)  we stopped by Luke and Brittany's and stayed at their place and visited with them Friday and Saturday. In typical Dan fashion, he was up until 4am furiously writing a paper for his LAST on line class at Trinity Friday night (woo hoo!).  Although he was tired, we are both happy he is done with classes and just has his capstone left :)

Then, we left their place and drove to Columbus.  Since I left lights on in our car overnight we had to jump it which got us started on our little road trip to Ohio a little later than we planned.   In typical Cinadr fashion, ended up arriving about 15 minutes late to the wedding.  At this point we have just embraced our lateness to big, important events that you really shouldn't be late to :)  Thankfully, we slipped in the back and fed Jake about 50 puffs to keep him quiet and he did really well and the wedding photographer even snapped a cute picture of him smiling at her from the church pews.

We had SUCH a great time at the wedding!  We got to catch up with so many friends from Miami which was wonderful.  And let's be honest, Jake wore his first tie and it was super cute.  While I was at H&M looking for an outfit for my sister in laws' sister's baby girl (did you follow that?!) of course I stopped by the boy section.  I spotted this adorable button up shirt with an orange tie.  Even though the size was for 1.5 years to 2 years (and Jake is 10 months) I bought it and hoped it wouldn't look too ridiculous on him.  Although it was big, we still kept him in it :)  He will just git a lot of use out of it the next year and a half!

We hoped to walk around downtown Columbus the next morning and find a cute place to have brunch, however it was freezing and raining.  So, we headed to Starbucks to treat ourselves to a drink and they were closed since it was Easter.  I was bummed but glad they gave their workers the day off :)  Naturally McDonald's is always open so we stopped there for breakfast on our way back to Indiana.  Not the cute, downtown brunch we were hoping to experience but such is life right?  Then, on our way home we stopped by my brother's place in West Lafayette and hung out with his in laws for Easter.  They did a little Easter egg hunt (Holly's sister has a little boy and a new baby girl) so it was at their house and it turned out to be such a beautiful day.  It's been so cold and it was the first time Jake experienced grass.  He was a little confused at first but very quickly warmed up to it :)  Then, we headed back to Chicago.  It was a busy, full weekend but we definitely had fun!

Yes that is a baby cardigan.  I just can't help myself.

This is what Jake did during most of the Easter egg hunt.

An attempt at a family shot.  The eggs were much more interesting to Jake.

Uncle Jon encouraging Jake to start walking.  Mom and Dad haven't really pushed too much to start walking.. you just take your good old time Jake.  I can keep up with you better when you crawl :)

Checking out the grass...

A blade got stuck to his finger and he wasn't sure how to proceed...

Max made out REALLY well at the Easter egg hunt

All the cousins and new baby Kate :)

Max was SO stinkin' cute.  He didn't want to stop to put any of the eggs in his bucket.. he was just collecting as many as he could lol

To stop and try to pick up the eggs or keep going.. tough decisions for a two year old lol

Me with the beautiful bride!

Jake finally crashed right before we left!

Some of the sweet couples at our tables!

Pic with dad :)

Had to try to get a family shot

At Luke and Brittany's :)  Jake was sharing with Lizzy.

Jake was having a meltdown.  Too much pressure to smile for the pictures.

Obviously we got one smiling..

And now we have Lizzy smiling :)  So cute.  Jake is about ready to breakdown ha

Actual New Years Resolution follow ups and obviously.. some pictures :)

So remember approximately 4 months ago when I posted this post about some new ideas I wanted to implement in 2013?  Although I still need to work on a couple of those, one area that I have really been convicted of is my eating.  After Jake was born I was one of those fortunate people who lost the weight fairly quickly because of nursing.  In fact, I realized that I didn't need to run to maintain my weight anymore, and I could actually eat quite a bit without gaining any weight.  Now, talk to any doctor and they will tell you that this is a VERY important time for moms to eat well because you are giving your baby nutrients- not a time to splurge on eating candy and chocolate.  At the beginning I was pretty good at watching what I ate, but in the past couple months I have really started to neglect eating healthy foods.  I literally could go through half a bag of kit kats on my own throughout the day. Easily. Without Dan's help.

What started to bother me was my heart attitude toward food. I discovered that before Jake was born and I had to watch what I ate, I really only ran and counted calories to purely keep my "outward appearance" looking good. I wasn't doing it because my body was a temple and I am called to honor my body with what I eat.  I was simply watching what I ate and exercising because I wanted to maintain a specific weight/ size.  The only time I was really convicted to eat healthy was when my pants were too tight.  I was never convicted that I drank too much diet coke or ate too much processed food.  I simply cared about my outward appearance.

I have also discovered that there are times when I went aimlessly into the cabinet to search for something sweet because I felt like I deserved it.  I would put Jake down for a nap after a particularly fussy/ difficult hour and would go straight for the food, telling myself I deserved this because of all I just had to deal with (right. I am so entitled to that).

So, when I read Jami's post, "I'm over sugar," I found myself in agreement with practically EVERYTHING she said.  That was until the end, when she suggested that I tell someone about this change I wanted to make.  Ugh.  I cringed. I knew if I told Dan about this conviction he would hold me accountable to it (and gladly eat the chocolate I didn't eat :)  I had told Dan before I was eating too much sweets, but I would just joke that when I started gaining weight I would stop. (yep.. see two paragraphs above).  So, obviously when I told Dan he immediately helped me gather up all the sugary items we owned (mainly Easter candy) and put it in a separate location.  Then I told my friend Becca and she said she would do it if I would.  Before I knew it, I found myself giving up sugar.

I definitely still have a ways to go.   I've incorporated more smoothies into my diet and am trying to be aware of how many fruits and vegetables I'm eating.  Fruits are easy for me to eat.. it's the veggies I am trying to work on.  So, as I come up with new ideas I will keep you updated with how I am doing! And I would definitely encourage you to read Jami's post. :)

Annnd totally unrelated to food, here's a couple old pictures from Jake in the snow.  I was really trying to get him to smile and he wasn't really having it.  This little man is not a fan of the snow.  Maybe we should move down south?