Playgrounds, Legoworld, and 39 weeks

 I seriously cannot believe that I am 39 weeks- and getting ready to meet our little guy so soon!  I feel this crazy need to catch up on all of my pictures because I don't know how often I will be able to blog in the next couple weeks!  This 365 day challenge that I've been doing on instagram has really helped me to pick up my camera (almost) daily so as a result I have so many pictures that I want to share!  I really hope to capture some moments of our first few days at home as a family of four, but I am trying not to have any expectations for myself- it's been a while since we've had a newborn around here and I really do think I have forgotten how tiring it can be - but who knows, maybe it will all come flooding back to me quickly :)

So here's some of our last pictures as a family of three!!

At a Pirate day at Lego World!

Some of our last Fall Activities

It makes me so sad to write the title of this last post, but as I see many empty trees and shorter days I know what is ahead.  And I'm *trying* my best not to dread it.  I think because we moved and have been fixing up a home and anxiously waiting on a baby, the summer just flew by.  Not that we didn't enjoy it, but I seriously feel like I remember the longing for spring like it was yesterday.  But, as I look through this blog and see all the fun things we did this Summer and Fall, I really truly am thankful for all the activities we did (one of the main reasons why I take so many pictures and keep this blog- because I would forget everything lol) from apple picking and trips to the pumpkin patch, downtown Chicago excursions, weddings and baby showers, trips to our alma mater and lakehouses in Indiana, pool and zoo visits, and just relaxing at the park and enjoying trips to get ice cream, we really did have a summer full of blessings.

So, here is a preview of some of our last Fall activities!  Goebert's farm is literally right down the street from us, and seriously if it wasn't so expensive, we would go every. single. day.  We went during the week to help with cost and we were there for over three and a half hours so it was definitely worth it- and Jake LOVED everything.  Here are some pictures from our day below :)

Jake probably jumped on this huge trampoline thing for an hour of our day

I don't think Jake realized this was a real pony until he started moving- I'm glad I got the picture before the ride started lol

Crazy how close we were to this giraffe right?!  Obviously Jake was terrified, but I thought it was pretty cool :)

This was their pumpkin eating dinosaur lol

This picture kills me haha

Yes he was ready to climb under the fence to touch the Minions lol

If we could have something like this in our back yard I don't think I would need to parent anymore -again, something we were in for way longer than I anticipated!

Thoughts on Abortion + the Life Jesus Calls us to

I have to be honest with you guys- a midst all of this Planned Parenthood controversy at times I have turned to Dan and asked him if it's even worth posting anything on social media about this.  Everyone is so passionate about abortion and seems to have their mind made up and if you really know me, I am not someone who enjoys talking "politics" at. all.

But this issue is so much deeper than politics, and for me it's not political, it's just plain personal. Yes I am a mother and yes I have been feeling little kicks in my belly for the past (almost) 20 weeks, but it goes even further than that.  Every time I read something that tries to explain that the innocent killing of a baby for ANY reason is ok, my heart just sinks.

And really what put me over the edge is watching this video.

Call me a cold person, but I really haven't cried while watching any of the videos that have gone viral where planned parenthood has described in detail the process of actually killing a baby.  Don't get me wrong, it makes me sad and I want something to be done, but I wasn't at the point where I was physically sobbing over this issue until watching this video. The night I saw this I couldn't help but break down- not just in sadness over how "human" a fetus is even at 8 weeks, but mainly just how terribly sad I felt that our culture is being fed this lie that choosing to kill someone is actually making a good choice.

At the heart of it, abortion truly is all about the exaltation of self.  And it's the total opposite life that God calls us to live, and the total opposite life that Jesus lived for you and for me.

I've shared Lindsay's story on my blog MANY times before, but she shares something truly beautiful on her blog about this issue.  And this comes from a woman who has carried two babies to full term, knowing ahead of time from doctors that they would't live much longer than a day outside of the womb.  When she was presented with the option of aborting her baby for the sake of future fertility, she said she was reminded that:

"This is what Jesus did, he laid down his life for me, so that I could live.  He knew what it would cost Him and determined it was worth the cost... that my chance at life was worth laying down His life."

And over and over again Jesus tells us how losing our life for the sake of the Gospel is oh so incredibly worth it.  The joy that comes from living for more than yourself is so much greater.  And I desperately want to sit with these women who are wondering what they should do in light of the news that they are pregnant and unprepared and simply have a conversation with them.  Maybe they are a teenager, maybe they are a single working woman with a promising career, or maybe they simply don't feel ready to be a parent- whatever their story is, I want to tell them that choosing to live how Jesus lived- laying down your life for another, will bring much greater JOY than choosing to kill for the sake of convenience.  No matter how convincing anyone sounds in that moment that you will be better off if you kill this baby, I truly believe that any woman who makes that decision will spend the rest of their life needing to convince themselves that they made the right decision.

I volunteered with a friend and co worker years ago at a clinic that gives resources to teenage girls who are pregnant here in Chicago.  I honestly wanted to sit down with each girl and tell them how brave they were.  I wanted to hug them and thank them for choosing to give this child growing inside of them an opportunity at life.  No matter what the decision was that brought this child to life inside of them, these girls, in a weird way, were heroes to me.  I know for a fact they were presented with the opportunity to get rid of this child.  Maybe it was at 6 weeks before their bellies were showing, maybe it was at 20 weeks, maybe it was every week of their pregnancy they were presented with the opportunity to kill for convenience, and they chose life.  Despite the stares they got in school, the whispers, the rumors, the gossip.  They chose to lay down their reputation for the life of the child growing inside of them. And in my eyes they were heroes.

And this is what we, as Christians, need to be doing.  I can't tell you how many times Dan and I had the conversation when we were going through our season of infertility that we desperately just wanted to go to an abortion clinic and tell every woman wrestling with what decision to make that we would take their child.  That we would make sure their little baby was taken cared for.  That we would raise their child up in a loving home and that child would have an awesome big brother and parents who loved them more than they could even imagine.  I don't even know if something like this is possible but it should be.  We should have a list of families who are willing to adopt a child, or who are willing to give up their time, resources, and finances to support these women who are faced with this decision.  Instead of shaming women who are even considering an abortion, we need to be there to give them hope and provide them with another option.

I have felt God prompting me to write this for a while.  Not to condemn anyone who has had an abortion or make anyone feel shamed for even considering one- I personally don't know what it's like to be pregnant and not be prepared.  I'm sure the emotions are extremely overwhelming, and I'm sure there are many reasons someone can think of that would make them think they would be better off without the baby that is growing inside of them.  I just feel a strong need to share that living the life of Jesus- laying your life down for another- will bring much greater joy than choosing to live for self.  I feel God teaching me this not just in the big decisions in life but also in the daily small ones as well.  I'm sure nothing said here is new to many, but I just pray that this perspective gives a glimpse of hope to someone who needs it today.

Adoption updates and some Fall + Trick or Treating photos

No one was joking when they said that the adoption process is a marathon and not a sprint.  And they also weren't lying when they said to prepare for many changes along the way.  When we started this journey (over a year ago! It's crazy for me to even think about that!) I *knew* this, but didn't really *know* it until now.  And I am sure families who are on their second or third year of waiting would say we still don't really know what waiting looks like!  

We always knew there could be a chance that we would move during the adoption process and need to update the home study, we just didn't realize until we actually moved what that would all entail.  My goal was to update the home study before the baby was born, but we quickly realized that we would need to update it again after the baby was born so it just made sense to wait.  However, as we reached out to agencies to assess pricing, we have realized that most agency's won't let you update until 3 to 6 months after your baby is born.  Dan and I spent a lot of time discussing which agency to go with, and while we wanted to go with the agencies that allow us to update within 3 months, they were more expensive (almost $5,000 to update - insert wide eyed emoji face here).  This has been another thing we have run into- the cost.  As I said before, we knew there was a possibility that we could move so we asked many different agencies how this could affect our home study when we started this process a year ago.  Most said we would just need to update it, costing most likely under $2,000, however, we are realizing that unfortunately with Illinois you cannot just update your home study, you need to complete a whole new study so it is costing more money than anticipating.  

We totally 100% trust in the Lord to provide, it's just a bummer to spend $3,500 to update something you've already completed.  With that being said, we have chosen an agency to complete our home study within 6 months because they are the most cost effective.  Our goal is to have most of the paperwork done so when we hit the 6 month mark we can move quickly through the home study process and then start to finish the dossier which is the international paperwork being sent to Ethiopia. 

Another reason we felt that waiting 6 months wouldn't affect our adoption process too much is that unfortunately, as I've mentioned before, the adoption process has slowed down quite a bit in Ethiopia - which is so sad to hear because there are so many sweet kids waiting to be adopted but there's nothing that can be done about it.  Right now families are seeing a long wait time and also seeing an extended period of time between when they receive the referral and when they actually go to meet their kiddo for the first time.  

So, if anyone is wondering why it's been quiet on the adoption front for us it's because we are just in an extended waiting period!  It's unfortunate, and we wish that we could always be sharing fun, exciting news about our adoption, however we are learning more and more that this is the reality of adoption.  And we have learned a lot about waiting in the past, but even though it's not new to us, it's still hard to have to wait when you are so excited about something and know that there is a child out there waiting to join your family. 

So if you could continue to pray for our future child and our family during this waiting season we would so appreciate it!  We know that God has a plan and is still in control even when we can't see the future.  Even though it's hard, we are growing in what it looks like to trust in Him and His timing. 

"For still the vision awaits its appointed time;

it hastens to the end- it will not lie. 

If it seems slow, wait for it; 

it will surely come; it will not delay."

Habakkuk 2:3

"When I wait, you strengthen my heart."

Psalm 27:14

"I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait." C.S. Lewis

Our sweet friends threw us a sprinkle for our baby due in a couple weeks!