Back Injuries and other musings

So I threw my back out.  Can I just say I've never had any back problems ever in my life.  I know people who have gotten injured in sports or had back issues from running or had chronic pain in their foot.  Or something like that.  But I've never experienced anything like this before.  And all I can say is that this is one of the most humbling experiences for me.  And I also have a totally new appreciation for people suffering from back pain.  

I literally just stood up from a chair.  I did stand up a little awkward.  I was holding my abnormally large 4 month old and straddling a glider foot rest in our church's nursing room when I felt it.  Like someone took a knife to my lower back.  Seriously praise the Lord I had my phone in my hand because I couldn't move from that chair and I don't know how I would have moved while holding Cole.  I think part of me just hoped that after laying in that glider awkwardly for a couple minutes I would feel better, but I knew that the unstoppable tears flowing down my face after grabbing Dan's hand in an attempt to stand meant this pain wasn't going to go away quickly.  And it hasn't.  Here we are, Thursday.  Day 4 of laying in my bed.  I'm so thankful for an awesome husband who has been doing way more than he bargained for this week, and my super helpful mom and dad who let my mom come to stay with us for the week because I just don't know how else we would be surviving over here. 

However, all this laying in bed has given me time to catch up on emails, photography, adoption, and many other things that I don't have time to do with a toddler and baby during the day!  Somewhere around Tuesday I decided that if I was going to be bed ridden for a couple days I might as well make the best of it.  So, here we are. 

And somewhere around this time of the year God always slows me down.  Somewhere around Good Friday He stops me in my tracks and He has me remember.  (even though I wish it didn't happen like this ;) ) And His reminder is always much needed for me.  That before Sunday can come, there is Good Friday.  A day that was destined for Jesus long before He was even born.  A day where He takes our sins- my sins- to the cross and is crushed and pierced so that I can be healed and so that I can have peace. 

Just this week I have been following a devotional through SheReadsTruth and they posted one on Wednesday  about what happened in real time the Wednesday before Jesus died that really spoke to me. And it's the story about Mary pouring out expensive perfume when she sees Jesus.  I've totally heard this story a thousand times but it never clicked to me that this happened just days before the crucifixion.  What a beautiful thing for someone to do for Jesus just days before his death.  And while she got a lot of flack for "wasting" the expensive perfume, Jesus justified her action, saying it was beautiful.  

Mary challenges me in so many ways, because I am definitely hard wired more like her sister, Martha.  I am the person who wants to always "do" and be and I like to think pragmatically.  I am the person who would be questioning why Mary is pouring out such expensive perfume when there are tons of poor people who could be fed with that perfume if it was sold.  And Jesus' response is striking to me.  Just like the response he gives the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son- the radical grace that God gives us when we return even when we don't deserve it.  To me it doesn't make sense.  And Mary's actions here to me practically don't make sense.  Yet Jesus is telling the people at the dinner not to think practically, but to realize what is at stake - Jesus is going to die.  And Mary gets that.  She understands what is at stake and her actions show how deeply she understands the sacrifice that Jesus is going to make and Jesus says that her understanding and actions because of that are beautiful and that she will be remembered for generations because of it.

How I want people to remember me for my beauty.  Not the outward beauty because that fades and is so so fleeting.  But for the beautiful acts that I do for people and for Jesus.  Because that is what impacts generations to come.  And beauty is something that we crave in this world and it's something that Jesus created and declared good - just look around in His creation and we can see it everywhere.  And He shares it with us to enjoy- in every new bud that comes up this spring and every sunrise and sunset.  What a gift that we have.  I pray that God would make me more like Mary.  Who can see what is truly important and create beauty where it is needed. 

Capturing our days in new light

I don't even know where we heard this first, but someone recommended while we were paying off our student loans that we budget a specific amount every month that we can each spend month on whatever we would like- whether it be a Starbucks while we are out, a shirt, new shoes.  It didn't matter what we spent it on, but we could spend it however we wanted and we didn't have to "check in" with each other before we used our personal spending money.  

I remember while we were pouring every extra penny we had toward our student debt right after college the freedom that small amount of money brought was so nice.  Most of the time I spent it at Loft which was two blocks from our apartment because they had the best deals and I loved having a new shirt every month (oh the materialism- and I wish I could tell you that my desires have changed but they really haven't lol)  Dan on the other hand, is quite the saver as we found out.  He always has way more money to spend than me because he never buys anything and it just rolls over from month to month, while I am the one that is usually spending my next month's personal spending money on something this month lol.  

And while my desires for new shirts haven't gone away, my excitement for photography has become more important and that's what I find myself spending my extra spending money on these days! And this month, I was SO excited to see that Clickin Mom's was offering a breakout class led by Meg Loeks.  You guys, just check out her instagram.  Her photos are ridiculously good.  They are almost like a painting, really.  And her use of light is so so great.  I have learned so much from her breakout.  She has encouraged me to examine the light in our house in new ways.  To be honest with you, before this class I mainly looked for the room with the most light and only took pictures there- avoiding all low light situations.  However, she has shown me that some darkness in photos isn't something to shy away from.  I love one of the quotes she uses in her breakout: 

"In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.” - Francis Bacon 

So there's a little bit about what I'm learning about photography.  Something I love about photography is that I'm always learning, I'm always growing, and I'm always being challenged. I love being able to capture all the little moments throughout our day and I try to push myself to capture all the ways I see God's goodness evident in our every day activities, even if we're not having the best day over here.  (Because any mom with young kiddos- or probably older kiddos for that matter!- knows that Cole isn't smiling 24/ 7 lol) But the little hugs, smiles, and moments that I capture Jake comforting Cole if he's fussy, are well worth remembering.  And I love that this new class that I took has opened up my eyes to taking photos in places and light that I would normally have thought "wouldn't be worth it" because it would be too dark.  So here's more pictures of our life recently :)

My brother and his family came to visit when they were in town going to Ikea!

We love little Eli :)

This has been our best friend recently!

Introducing Cole to his little lamb!

Who doesn't love fancy coffee at home?!  So thankful for Jon and Holly who gave us a housewarming gift to make this wonderful cup of coffee :)

Jake was saying, "Baby Cole is so cute!" here :) :)

I can't even handle how cute he looks when he is sucking his thumb!